Who I am
by PurpleDragonFlower
Summary: My name is Albus Potter and I am here to tell you about my life, who I was, who I became and who I am...
1. Chapter 1

**Who I am**

Chapter 1

My name is Albus Potter and I am here to tell you about my life, who I was, who I became and who I am. First off I am the youngest son of the famous Harry Potter, his wife and my mother is Ginny Potter (or Weasley as she was before she got married) and I have an older brother and a younger sister.

I'd say I had a good childhood. Yes, a very good childhood, no doubt about that. We were never poor, we had a big house so I never had to share a room or wear my brother's old clothes or anything and our parents loved us more than anything. We were all happy, it's just that as a kid I sometimes wished that things would have been different.

When I was little I was the quiet one. I kept mostly to myself. My brother James was the exact opposite. The first ten years of my life I stood on the side and watched as James learned to read, learned to ride a broom, drew crayon pictures of dragons and stole our parents attention whenever he had the chance. It wasn't that they didn't care about me, because they did, it was just that no matter what I did James was always a little better. I really liked that year before I went to Hogwarts, when there was only me and my sister Lily at home and I was the one who was better at everything. It was nice.

Then there was that thing with our names that bothered me for so many years. James Sirius Potter, after our grandfather and his best friend and dad's godfather. Sirius Black was the closest thing my dad ever came to a father, since his died when he was just a little baby. James was named after the two most important men in our dad's life.

Lily Luna Potter was named after Harry's mother and his good friend. Luna Lovegood was actually still alive and I had met her. She was rather odd, but with no doubt a great person.

And then there was my name. Albus Severus Potter, after Harry's old headmaster and potions teacher. Dad said that they were two of the greatest wizards he ever knew. Maybe so, but there was still the fact that it was Severus Snape who killed Albus Dumbledore. My dad hated him till just moments before his death. I was named after a murderer.

While my brother and sister carried the names of friends and family, names to be proud of, I carried the names of a murderer and liar, names to be ashamed of.

It was like they knew when they had me that I would never live up to such names. Like they knew that I would never be as good as the other two, I wouldn't be as smart, I wouldn't be as handsome or as athletic.

The first thing that would come to separate me from my brother and sister happened right at the start of my first year at Hogwarts...

_First year_

I stared up at the four-legged stool with the Sorting Hat. I was terribly nervous and feeling a bit queasy. I had dreaded this moment for weeks. _'I'm just saying that you might end up in Slytherin', _James' voice rang in my head. My whole family had been sorted into Gryffindor. Dad said that it didn't matter, but I didn't believe him. Of course it mattered. You were either a good person or a bad one. I could _not _be sorted into Slytherin, I _had _to be a Gryffindor.

Professor Flitwick unrolled a long list of names. He was so short that the parchment reached down to the floor.

I just stood there in front of the whole school, swaying back and forth, afraid that I would pass out as he called my name. I didn't pay attention to any of the students being sorted before me, I just tried to breathe normally and control my nerves. This was the worst moment in my life so far, it was excruciating.

"Potter, Albus!" called Professor Flitwick.

I stumbled up to the Sorting Hat and sat down on the stool with shaking knees. This was it. My doom.

The hat fell down over my eyes and it's voice whispered into my ear.

"Another Potter, eh?" I was trembling. "You have a bright mind I see, but never really got to show it did you? Grew up in your brother's shadow. You're very much like your father, but still... So different. I can help you show your strengths. I'll put you somewhere you won't be outshone by your brother. Somewhere like SLYTHERIN!" He called the last word out so that the whole school could hear it.

All my insides froze to ice, my heart stopped. No. This was not happening. This was my worst nightmare. It had happened, the thing I had feared.

Flitwick took the hat off my head and I found myself staring out over the whole school. On stiff legs I stood up and somehow managed to walk through the hall without falling. I didn't dare to look at James.

Instead if sitting down by the Slytherin table I just kept walking. I walked faster and faster until I almost ran out of the Great Hall. I could feel the other students eyes on me. The big oak doors shut behind me with a thud that echoed in the empty entrance hall.

I felt the tears running down my cheeks, my breathing was short and uneven.

Somehow I must've found my way to the boy's bathroom, because I locked myself in a booth and just sat there and cried. It was horrible. I remember hoping that it would all be a nightmare that I would soon wake up from. But it wasn't. I didn't know then that being sorted in Slytherin might have been the best thing that could have happened to me, it would take years before I realised that.

Suddenly I heard the door open and someone came in. I was startled. A pair of black shoes walked by my both and into the one next to me. They must've belonged to another first year, or maybe second, because they weren't particularly big. The other boy flushed and washed his hands and just when I thought that he would leave and go back to the Great Hall. He said:

"Are you going to sit there all night?"

He must've been talking to me, because there was no one else in here. I stood up slowly and hesitated with my hand on the lock.

"It was you who ran out, right?" Asked the boy. His voice wasn't mean, but it wasn't nice either, it was somewhere in between. I wasn't sure what to do. "Albus Potter", he said.

I opened the door. By the washbasin was a short, skinny boy. He was pale and had very blond messy hair. I recognised him from the sorting, he was a Slytherin as well I think.

"I'm Scorpius Malfoy", said the boy and took out his hand, "My father knows your-"

"I know who you are", I snapped him off. He let his hand fall to his side.

I went over to one of the mirrors and shivered at sight of my reflection. My eyes were all red and swollen.

"Why were you crying?" asked Scorpius Malfoy. I wished that he would just leave me alone. What did he want anyway?

"Why do you care?" I replied in a hoarse voice. Malfoy shrugged.

"It's because you're in Slytherin, right?" he asked and the expression on his face could almost be read as disgusted, or maybe just sceptical, I wasn't sure.

I splashed cold water in my face and when I straightened up I said:

"My whole family has been in Gryffindor. Slytherin is the enemy."

"So they're going to hate you now?" Asked Malfoy, he didn't even raise an eyebrow.

"No", I replied. My patents would never hate me. "I'll just disappoint them, as usual. I won't fit in."

Malfoy crossed his arms over his chest.

"If that's all you're crying about, you're just weak."

I glared at him.

"You know nothing about my life."

"Your parents love you, right? You have siblings. You've always had money. People don't hate you because of your name."

Never had I met such an embittered eleven-year old. I didn't know how to respond to that.

"No..." I mumbled.

"So you shouldn't feel sorry for yourself, it could be worse!" he snapped. "My parents didn't even want me in the first place, imagine that."

"Of course they wanted you", I said, eleven years old, innocent and naive. "What would make you think that?"

Scorpius snorted.

"I overheard them fighting once, about me. They were screaming at each other. I wasn't supposed to be born. They were already tight on money when I came. I took all of their energy, mum couldn't work. She and dad started to fight a lot. Their life would have been so much easier without me, they said so themselves."

I couldn't help but feeling sorry for him. Malfoy had obviously had a much worse childhood than I. My parents fought, but not about things like that. They always said that having children was the best thing that ever happened to them, and they had three. They said we made them happy.

"But..." I said, "Dad always told me you had a rich family." I had heard about the Malfoy's. They were so called _Pure blood, _and very wealthy.

"We were", said Malfoy, "or they were. They lost everything after the war."

There was a moment of silence. Then Malfoy turned on his heel.

"Think about it", he muttered before he left the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

When I went to bed that night I did think about it. But even though Malfoy might have it much worse, I still felt awful. I tossed and turned and couldn't seem to fall asleep. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go home and forget that this ever happened.

**A/N: Well, this is a fanfic I just randomly started to write. I don't know... What did you think? Just tell me!^^**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

So now you've heard about my first day at school and how I first met Scorpius Malfoy. He will come to have a great part in this story, if only I had known then. After that first little conversation, which was rather strange for two people who had just met each other, especially two eleven-year olds. It took weeks before we said a word to each other after that first talk. But then slowly, slowly a friendship started to grow.

I maintained my role as the outsider at Hogwarts. I kept to myself, didn't make too much noise and pretty much just blended in with the crowd. I guess you could say that Scorpius was my only friend. At least the only one I bothered to hang out with. I still hated the fact that I was in Slytherin. Mum and dad wrote a long letter, telling me over and over again that there was nothing wrong with being a Slytherin. But even that didn't make me feel better. I tried to deny it by totally ignoring my classmates If I don't get to know them, they're not there, that was my theory. Scorpius and I didn't talk much the first couple of years, we were more kind of just there for each other. Where I was, Scorpius was and the other way around. It was like somehow we just knew each other. Small talk was never really a thing for me.

During my third year Lily came to Hogwarts and was immediately sorted into Gryffindor, big surprise there. So I was officially the only non-Gryffindor in my family. Great.

Lily turned out to be an exceptional chaser, just like our mother, and joined the Gryffindor team in her second year. James on the other hand was more of a keeper. But to my great amusement he didn't get to join the team until sixth year. In your face brother, how does it feel to be second best?

_Fourth year_

Both me and Scorpius had grown taller over the summer and he had grown wider across the shoulders. Also his hair was longer and messier. The scrawny little boy he had been was almost gone. I wished that I could have looked as good. All the changes made him look older and - although I'm not sure this had anything to do with his looks - he radiated such confidence without actually doing anything.

Me, I was still my quiet, awkward loser self.

I don't remember why, but one day at the beginning of fourth year I just blurted out:

"I wish I was as confident as you." I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth. It sounded so incredibly stupid. I felt like such a loser.

Scorpius looked at me and I stared at the floor, waiting for a condescending comment. But Scorpius said in a serious voice:

"Just straighten up and act like you're cool and everyone else will think that you are."

Simple as that.

I looked up and glanced at his perfectly defined jawline. I thought of my own chubby chin.

"I don't think that'll work for me", I said. I ran my fingers through my black hair, that would never look as attractive as Scorpius'. "I'm not..." I began, but Scorpius stopped me.

"There's nothing wrong with your looks", he said. Mindreader.

"Sure", I didn't care to argue. "But I'm like a nobody, you know."

"Maybe you should try joining the quidditch team, that'll make you popular."

Scorpius was one of the beater in the Slytherin team.

I snorted.

"I'm a terrible flyer."

"How long has it been since you sat on a broom?" Scorpius smiled a crooked smile, determined not to give up. I shrugged.

"Like eight years or something? Ages."

"Then how do you know that you're still a terrible flyer? What if you're great?"

I wasn't great. As it turned out I'm terrified of heights. I didn't know until Scorpius handed me a broom and I soared 150 feet from the ground. I had some sort of panic attack and Scorpius had to help me down again.

"OK", he said when we were both safely on the ground again. "So maybe quidditch isn't your thing."

"Yeah", I panted.

"We'll just have to find your thing then", said Scorpius.

"And what would that be?" I asked. At that point I thought that maybe I should just settle with being a nobody. It wasn't that bad, really, I told myself.

Scorpius shrugged. We started walking back to the castle.

"I don't know. I mean, you don't have to find something. I'll always like you for who you are, you know."

He put his arm around my shoulders without even thinking about it, but he took it away again as my whole body tensed up. We didn't say anything about it afterwards, we just went quietly to bed. That night my mind raced faster than a Firebolt. I spent hours trying to figure out who I was. The meaning of life and all that shit. I had way too much spare time, I think.

_**A/N: Tell me what you think! Please^^**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Fifth year_

I was sitting in the common room, reading a book, when I felt someone touching my hair. He played with it between his fingers.

"Don't", I muttered and tilted my head to the side. But Scorpius kept fingering on my hair.

"Why?" he asked.

"People are looking." A threw a nervous glance around the room.

"No, they're not", said Scorpius. He walked around the couch and sat down next to me, a little too close. "What does it matter anyway?"

His warm body was pressed against my side and I was overly aware of my every move. I moved a few inches away. My breathing seemed unnaturally loud.

"I just don't want people to get the wrong idea", I said and it was barely more than a whisper. Sticking out from the crowd was the last thing I wanted to do.

"And what is that?" asked Scorpius. His hand found mine between us. His fingers burned against mine. I sighed awkwardly and locked both my hands in my knee.

"Don't", I muttered again.

Scorpius sighed too and rested against the other side of the couch. I opened my book again but found it hard to concentrate now. The words didn't make sense anymore. Scorpius just sat there quietly, but he couldn't have been more distracting even if he'd been running around the room screaming.

I closed the book with a thud and walked off to the dormitories. But, as I should have known, Scorpius followed me.

"Theres no one watching us here", he mumbled. He was leaning against the doorframe. I frowned and pulled the tie over my head.

"Why are you like this?" I said and threw it on my bed.

Scorpius walked slowly and sat down in front of me. I turned around and could only see him from the corner of my eye. I crossed my arms over my chest. I hadn't been this awkward with Scorpius until lately. I hated it.

"I'm sorry." Scorpius tried to catch my eye, but I avoided it carefully.

"I have to study", I said without looking at Scorpius. He got my hint and left the dorms.

The morning after everything was back to normal. No one said anything about last night and it was like it had never happened. A silent agreement to pretended it hadn't. The awkwardness was gone and I was relieved. But this wasn't something that happened just once. Oh no, definitely not.

I was confused. A part of me wanted to push Scorpius away, while the other part wanted him to come even closer. It was at times like these I wished that I had had more than one friend. A little change of company would be nice some times.

I drifted further and further away from my siblings. To the point that I barely knew them anymore. My own family felt like strangers to me, and it had to change. During the summer holidays I mostly locked myself up in my room. Since I didn't have any friends to run around with all the time like my siblings. By now my parents were starting to get seriously worried about me. Why didn't I talk about my friends? Did I even have any? Was I being bullied? Was I depressed? Why was I so distant? They didn't know what to do with me, poor mum and dad. Now, afterwards I feel a bit bad about putting them through all of that.

Every now and then a letter would arrive from Scorpius. In his house his parents didn't seem to notice anything unusual about him. They were too busy screaming at each other. _I think they're getting a divorce, _it said in one of the letters. And in another one: _I wish you were here, at least you would care. See you in September. _His letters were often dark and filled with his own thoughts. A bit like a diary sometimes.

I always wrote back to him, but not in the same way. _I wish I could be there. My parents are afraid that I'm going to start cutting myself or something... _Or _I miss you too, see you at Kings' Cross. _

We didn't come to visit each other during summer. But i don't know why really. Scorpius mentioned several times how he'd much rather live at my house, and how he hated his own. But I never invited him to come here. I feel bad about that too now. It was that part of me that wanted to keep him on a safe distance that stopped me I think.

_Fifth Year, Winter holidays_

I was trying to write a letter when my mother knocked on my door.

"Al, can I come in?"

I put my quill down and turned towards the door.

"Sure."

Mum entered. She smiled at me.

"You disappeared so quickly I barely had time to say hello." We had just gotten home from Hogwarts to spend christmas at home. Mum sat down on my bed. "The others are down in the kitchen, are you sure you don't want to join us?"

"I'm good", i said and shook my head. Mum hadn't just come in to say hello, I could tell. There was something i her eyes. It was like she was trying to read my mind.

"How are you, Al?" she asked. I forced myself to smile.

"I'm fine, thanks."

She didn't buy it.

"You know that you can tell me anything", she said. Classical parent-talk. "If there is anything wrong or... Anything."

"There's nothing wrong, mum", I said, trying my hardest to sound as happy and carefree as possible. "Don't worry."

"OK then, but just so you know, I know a bit about feeling like you don't fit in. I grew up with six older brothers."

She stood up and stroke my hair on her way out.

Up until that point I had always just assumed that I was the only one who could feel lonely in a room full of people. But my mum opened my eyes for me and I love her for that. It felt good to know that maybe someone could understand me, at least a little bit. That day I decided that I was the one that had to do something about this situation. I was determined to become a member of my family once and for all. I would get to know my siblings. I wanted the same kind of relationship as Lily and James had. Brother and sister, brother and brother.

So that letter I was writing to Scorpius, that had started off very dark and depressed, turned out very happy and hopeful. I told him everything about my new point of view. I felt good when I went to bed that night. But Scorpius didn't answer my letter. He didn't write to me at all that christmas.

Fine, I thought, if you can't handle me being happy that's your problem. Maybe it was time for me to make some new friends anyway. It didn't take long until I knew exactly what to do. Something that would bother Scorpius more than I could ever imagine...

_**A/N: I would really like your thoughts on this! Please:)**_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_Fifth year, the end of winter holidays_

"James..."

He sat alone by the kitchen table, just as I had hoped. He looked up.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

I was starting to regret my decision to ask my brother for help about this. It was a stupid idea. I would just make a fool of myself. I still had time to change my mind. This was stupid.

"Sure, what is it, Al?" said James. He put his sandwich down and brushed the crumbs off the table. I hesitated in the doorway, but finally decided to do it anyway.

"You've had a few girlfriends, right?"

I felt extremely awkward. James didn't seem bothered at all.

"Three", he answered, quite proud of himself. "Why?"

"Well..." I felt my cheeks turning red. "I was just wondering... I mean...I", I couldn't find the right words. "I just... How do I get one?"

I was too embarrassed to look at James, so I stared down at the floor. A grin spread across James' face.

"A girl, eh?" he said. I nodded. "Well do you have anyone special in mind?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know." Not a Slytherin, I thought though. I thought about that brown haired Ravenclaw girl. I just couldn't remember her name. We had potions and care of magical creatures together. Blackmore or Blackstone or something.

"Well", said James, "you could start with..."

_Fifth year_

And this is what I did:

I looked at her in potions. Blackbird was her name by the way, Clara Blackbird. And after a while, just as James had said, she looked back. I smiled, she just gave me a weird look and turned away again. James said his girls always smiled back, but Clara didn't. I would have to say something to her. So when we left the classroom she passed me and I said the first thing that came up in my head.

"Nice bag", this time she gave me a surprised look before she hurried off with her friends. I could have bit my tongue. _Nice bag? _What kind of compliment is that? I felt so stupid.

"Why were you talking to her?" asked a grumpy voice behind me. I turned my head towards him. Scorpius had brought nothing but bad energy since we returned to Hogwarts. I didn't know what was up with him. But it was really getting on my nerves.

"I wasn't", I said.

"You said something to her", Muttered Scorpius stubbornly. "I heard you."

"I liked her bag, that's all", I said and quickened my steps. I did not want to talk to Scorpius about this. I was mad at him, although I wasn't entirely sure exactly why.

I waited till the next day before I spoke to Clara again. We had care for magical creatures. I moved gradually closer to her and finally said:

"Did you get a haircut?" James said that girls loved it when you said that. I had no choice but to trust him. Clara scanned my face, looking somewhat suspicious.

"No", she said, "I didn't."

I felt my cheeks starting to turn red. I had to force myself not to run away and hide for the rest of the day. Desperately I tried to come up with something cool or funny to say.

"Your hair looks great, anyway", I said. For the first time Clara smiled a little.

"Really?" she twisted her brown hair between her fingers.

"Yeah", I started to regain hope that this might actually work. Her smile grew wider.

"You're the Potter kid, right?"

I nodded.

"It's Al."

"You can call me Clara", she said.

This was followed by an awkward silence. How could these things come naturally to anyone? It was awful. I shifted my weight.

"Er..." But I couldn't come up with anything more to say. So I just walked away and finished the lesson.

"Ask her out!" said James when I asked him for advice again. "You've got to ask her out, as soon as possible!"

So I did. Clara and I made plans to visit Hogsmeade together next weekend. She turned out to be a really nice girl actually. But every time I spoke to her Scorpius gave me that cold look. I tried to ignore it, but it bothered me every time. What was the matter with him? Now that I finally speak to one other person than him he hates me for it? As if he's never hung out with other people. He spent half his time with that bloody quidditch team for crying out loud. He had no reason to be mad at me.

After yelling at me outside the potions classroom, he gave me the silent treatment. All I got was mean looks. I was afraid this might be the end of our friendship. After nearly five years of having only each other. It hurt, but I denied it. I told myself he was the one doing the wrong thing not me. He was the bad one. _I _was mad at _him. _

And so the Hogsmeade weekend came. I was extremely nervous in the morning. So far I had only spoken to Clara in class. But now I had to meet her alone, not surrounded by all the other students and I would have to entertain her for at least an hour. I had a hard time eating breakfast that morning.

"Just keep talking", was James' advice. "You'll be fine."

Well, we'll se in a moment, I thought. I was lucky. Clara did most of the talking herself and didn't seem to need much entertainment.

We went to The Three Broomsticks. After a while Clara sighed and touched my hand. My first instinct was to pull it away, don't ask me why. I didn't, anyway.

"To be honest", she said and looked up into my eyes. Her eyes were as brown as her hair. "I never really paid much attention to you."

I was not surprised. She continued,

"But you're really sweet."

And then she startled me by leaning towards me and pressing her lips against mine. It wasn't like in the books where they feel all warm and happy and their hearts starts to flutter. My heart beat faster, but I felt ice cold and scared. She could've at least warned me! I just sat there all tensed up and stiff until she leaned back. That's when my brain started working again. I should've kissed her back. Or at least put my arms around her. I stared at Clara.

She was smiling and her cheeks were blushing red. She was pretty. I felt the blood running to my face. I tried to say something. But my words failed me and I only managed to make a strange sound.

I count this particular moment to one of the most awkward and humiliating moments in my life. I felt incredibly stupid. But still, it was kind of a milestone in my life. My first kiss ever. I shared my first kiss with Clara Blackbird... And it was a horrible kiss. Clara didn't seem to think so though. Or if she did she didn't show it anyway. She held my hand the whole way home. She was truly a really nice girl. If it hadn't been for our awkward romantic relationship she could've made a great friend.

We stayed together for quite a while and we shared more kisses. It wasn't always as bad as the first time. No, no, no. It was OK, but I couldn't ignore that nagging feeling that something was wrong, or that something was missing.

But back to the day of the first date.

When I went up to the dorms that night, Scorpius was there. His eyes were slightly red, as if he'd been crying. I immediately got a bad feeling. Scorpius glared at me when I walked in.

"How are you?" I asked and glanced carefully at him.

"What do you think?" he muttered. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What is it?" I asked, sounding angrier than before. Scorpius just gave me an angry look and turned away. I took a deep breath to calm myself. Scorpius had developed an incredible ability to get on my nerves. I hated it. "What the hell have I done to you that makes you _so _angry?" I said through clenched teeth. "What reason have I ever given you to act like-"

Scorpius cut me off by turning back to me and shouting:

"Don't you get it?"

"Get what?" I shouted back furiously. "What is it that's _so _obvious?"

"I'm in love with you."

The silence hung thick in the air between us, it seemed impossibly loud. I felt as if I had forgotten how to breathe. My face was completely blank. I had known this. I had known all along, deep inside. I had simply just pushed it away, ignoring the truth. I hadn't allowed myself to even think the thought, because it wasn't right and it wasn't supposed to be. So I pushed it away again. Without a word I left the dorm and Scorpius and went down to the common room. I stayed there for hours, I didn't go to bed before I was sure that Scorpius was fast asleep.

_**A/N: It's my birthday today... Review, please?^^ I'm actually quite happy about this chapter. But I don't know what you think! See ya!:)**_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

My fifth year at Hogwarts was a very confused time in my life. The months crept by and I started to feel really down-spirited. Those forbidden thoughts that I had banned from my mind made their way there anyway. Scorpius was always present, he and his words. I had avoided him, refused to look at him and gone to bed very late every night. This resulted in me being extremely tired, Scorpius feeling depressed and Clara noticing that something wasn't quite right. She confronted me one day, we were in the middle of our OWL exams and we hadn't had time to see each other very much. She looked sad when she came up to me.

"Al", she said. She paused and sighed, "do you want us to break up?"

I was too tired to think. All I wanted to do was to bury myself in my bed and never get up again.

"I don't know", I mumbled. Clara nodded and looked away. She sat down on the big marble staircase. I sank down next to her. Without looking at me she said:

"You've been so distant lately."

I 'hmm'ed in agreement. So she was breaking up with me, I didn't feel anything about it to tell the truth. Completely empty of emotion.

"Is there something going on?" she asked and tried to catch my eye. I stared at the floor. Oh, nice, sweet little Clara, how I wish you would just leave me alone. No offence. I shrugged.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Clara tried. I shook my head.

I knew that I had to end this now. It wasn't fair to Clara, none of this mess was her fault.

"I don't think we should be together anymore", I said. She sighed and rested her head in her hand. "It's not you..." I said, the classical break-up talk.

"You don't have to do that", Clara said and straightened up. Maybe she saw right trough me, saw that I had no idea of what to say. "It's fine." She stood up and before she walked off and left me alone she said, "Don't worry about it." And she was gone.

Honestly I don't think she was that upset about it. I wasn't exactly fun to be with at that time. She had always done most of the talking and most of the kissing and most of everything. She got quite tired of me towards the end and I don't blame her. It was better for both of us to just end it.

But this meant that I was now all alone. Being with Clara had cost me Scorpius, my one friend. Now I had no one, way to go Al. With Clara gone it was like someone had allowed all those forbidden thoughts of Scorpius run free in my mind.

He was in love with me, he had been for a very long time. But the obvious question was: _am I in love with Scorpius? _I automatically pushed the thought away. I hid my face in my hands. _Are you gay, Albus? _Said the mean little voice in my head. _No, _answered another voice. _Then why are you in love with Scorpius? _I clenched my teeth. _What do you know of love?_

I have no idea how I got through my OWL:s with acceptable grades, but somehow I did. I had no outstandings though. Scorpius was everywhere. I couldn't help but to notice just how gorgeous his hair looked when it was messy like that, how tall and beautiful his body was or how inviting his lips seemed. It was like an illness. Scorpius was constantly on my mind, making me feel awful about everything.

How could he be so sure that he was in love with me? How did he know that it wasn't just one of those teenage phases everyone talked about. How do you know that it's love if you've never felt it before? It couldn't be love. Scorpius made me feel bad, not good. He was wrong. I should stay away from him. I kept telling myself that. But it was agonising to stay away from him... And it was agonising to look at him.

It was the last morning of our fifth year. Everybody was preparing to go on the train. I deliberately stayed in the dorm longer that I needed, packing the last few things. I waited until there was only me and Scorpius left. I had promised myself not to do this, but I just had to, it was too tempting.

I straightened up and looked at Scorpius. He glanced back.

"Well..." I said. "Good bye." I bit my lip and hesitated. Should I say something more? It was going to be a long summer. I wondered if he would write to me like he had done every other break, but I doubted it. Scorpius looked at me with his icy grey eyes.

"Can I at least get a hug... please", he said in a low voice. My heart made a jolt. _No! No! _Screamed the mean little voice in my head.

"S-sure", said I weakly. So he took a step closer and put his arms around me. After a short second I hugged him back. I closed my eyes. He was so warm and close. He was taller than me. He smelled wonderfully, it was indescribable. It was simply Scorpius. He hugged me closer and I inhaled his scent. For a moment I felt like falling asleep in him arms, he felt so nice. Then we let go and stepped away from each other.

For a couple of seconds we just stood there and looked at each other. I had the feeling that the world was spinning around me. I swayed a bit where I stood.

Finally Scorpius took a deep breath and said,

"Good bye. I'll write to you." _I miss you. _He didn't have to say those last words out loud, his eyes said it all too well. I smiled weakly before I turned to leave. _I miss you too. _

I sat by myself on the train home. I thought about that hug and my heart instantly beat faster. I felt like smiling. It had been everything but agonising, it had been absolutely wonderful. But I still wasn't sure that I was allowed to feel like this. He's my best friend for crying out loud. It's wrong. I thought about how much easier it would have been if Scorpius had been a girl. Then I could even have talked to James or maybe dad about it. It would have been OK. It would have been right.

His words made me feel happy as well. _I'll write to you. _It was a promise. I had something to look forward to this summer. Scorpius was coming back to me. But I would never look at him the same way again, it was inevitable. He had changed and so had I.

When I came home to the house James asked me about Clara. I told him we had broken up. Even if this year of my life was a very unhappy year, it had brought be closer to my brother. Lily on the other hand was apparently too busy with her own life to care very much about mine.

"That's too bad", James said and shrugged, "but you don't expect it to last forever at our age, do you?" I shook my head.

"Your mother and I got together at your age", dad, who was also in the kitchen, reminded us. Both James and I ignored him. Mum and dad and their perfect little love story, we had heard it before. How dad fell in love with his best friends little sister and how mum had loved him all along and so on, it was all very cute.

We hadn't been home for more than a week before an unexpected guest showed up on our doorstep. Mum opened the door and I heard them talking from the living room.

"Oh, hello", said mum when she opened the door.

"Hi, Mrs. Potter", said a familiar voice. "I'm Scorpius Malfoy, a friend of Albus'."

I was in shock, I could barely move. Why was he here? What was he doing?

"I didn't know you were coming", said mum, she was obviously surprised.

"I'm sorry", said Scorpius, "but I didn't know where else to go. You see, things are pretty bad at home. My parents are getting a divorce and they're fighting all the time and breaking things and... I just couldn't stay there anymore."

"Stay here sweetheart", said mum when Scorpius stopped to breathe. "It's OK, you can stay here for as long as you need to."

What was she doing? I was freaking out. Where was he going to sleep? She hadn't even asked me if it was OK. Why did my mother have to be such a nice person? She didn't even know him!

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Potter", said Scorpius relieved.

"Of course. I'll get Al for you." I heard her walking towards the living room.

_No! _My heart started breathing faster. _Not now! _What was I so scared of, really?

"Al", my mum called for me. She stepped into the living room. "Al, your friend Scorpius is here."

"OK", I mumbled and got up from the couch. She gave me a worried look.

"You look a bit pale, darling", she said.

Scorpius was standing in the hall, looking around. He had a bag in one hand.

"Hi", he said with a little smile when he saw me. I just stared at him. He read my face immediately. "Look, Al", he said. I came closer so he wouldn't have to talk as loud. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was coming. I didn't plan it."

"What are you doing here?" I whispered, sounding much more angry than I really was.

"It's my parents", said Scorpius and glanced at the floor. "They can't get along about anything. Dad is moving out but everything's so messy. I can't stand it and I honestly had nowhere else to go. Please don't be mad at me." He sounded so vulnerable saying that last sentence. He didn't dare to look in my eyes.

"I'm not", I mumbled. Scorpius bit his lip.

"And", he said and paused, "They kind of freaked out when I told them that I was gay."

I cast a nervous look around me to make sure that no one could hear us.

"Dad was mostly shocked, I think", said Scorpius, glad to get this all off his chest. "Mum freaked out about grandchildren and then they started yelling at each other again." He fell silent. I didn't know what to say. After a while Scorpius asked, "You haven't told your parents, have you?"

I flinched. So he just assumed that I was gay too. _Aren't you? _Said the voice in my head. I felt my cheeks going red.

"Sorry", Scorpius apologised. "I just... Don't lie to yourself, Al." Mindreader.

He took my hand. The heat of his touch shot right through me and my instincts took over. Something had been brewing within me for a very, very long time. A force had been building up slowly and I had denied it.

I put my free hand around Scorpius' neck, pulled him in and kissed him. It was unlike any other kiss I had ever share with Clara. It was like feeling everything and nothing. I was in another universe but still so present. My whole body was on fire and I kissed like I had never kissed before. And Scorpius kissed me back with just as much enthusiasm and passion.

"Merlins pants..." said a weak voice somewhere above us and we heard the thud of something falling to the floor.

_**A/N: Chapter 5! Come on and review now! I'm excited^^ And if I don't post again before christmas, Merry christmas everybody!**_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Lily stood halfway down the stairs staring at us in shock. She had dropped her book but hadn't even noticed it. Scorpius and I stared back at her, equally surprised. _This isn't happening, _I thought to myself, _please tell me this isn't happening. _But it was.

"You must be Lily", said Scorpius and broke the extremely uncomfortable silence. "I'm Scorpius Malfoy."

Lily blinked several times and opened her mouth. She tried to say something but couldn't seem to find her words. I felt slightly dizzy, swaying a bit where I stood. What had I done? I couldn't wrap my mind around it. _What in the name of Merlin had I just done?_ Finally Lily managed to say:

"B-but Clara?"

I realised that I would have to say something. Scorpius stuck his hands in his pockets and looked away.

"We broke up", I mumbled. Lily looked from me to Scorpius and then back at me, frowning.

"And now you're... And " she hesitated and nodded stiffly towards Scorpius. I didn't know what to say and apparently neither did Lily. "OK..." she sighed. I could see on her face how she was still trying to puzzle things together. To make matters worse, mum came out to the hall from the living room.

"What's going on?" she asked, sensing the tension in the air.

"Um..." I said and stared at her. Now what?

"Nothing", mumbled Lily and went back up the stairs. She must've forgotten why she was going downstairs in the first place.

"Al", said mum slowly, following Lily with suspicious eyes, "Why don't you show your guest where to put his things?"

"But where is he going to sleep?" I asked sheepishly.

"Don't be silly", said mum, "I'll make him a bed in your room. If that's Ok with you?" Her look and tone told me that it wasn't really a question. I didn't get a say in this. "Come on now."

On one of the steps of the stairs lay the book that Lily had dropped. _The wicked Warlock. _Mum picked it up with a small frown. I was still in shock from the kiss and had to struggle to move my legs up the stairs. They felt like jelly. What was wrong with me? Scorpius' hand brushed by mine and my heart made a backflip.

Mum conjured up an extra bed. My room was luckily big enough to hold two beds without getting crowded. When mum left us and her steps died away I pushed the door shut and turned to Scorpius. He met my eyes. Hesitantly he asked:

"Was that a mistake...?" I thought about it for a second. I still wasn't sure if I had totally recovered from the shock, but the feeling lay fresh in memory. It would take a good while before I forgot that, if ever. I shook my head.

Scorpius let a shy smile spread across his lips and I returned it with a nervous laugh.

"But what are you going to do about your sister?" asked Scorpius. My smile died away. Crap! How could I almost forget about that? I felt panic starting to rise within me. "You kind of have to tell the rest of your family now, don't you?" said Scorpius with a shrug. "If you don't want her to beat you to it."

To tell the truth I wasn't sure if Lily actually would tell my parents or not. Or would she tell James? But I thought, or more like hoped, that she would be nice enough not to tell anyone. She must be pretty shocked anyway. It's not everyday you find your believed to be straight brother making out with another guy in the hall.

I sat down on my bed next to Scorpius.

"Do I have to?" I asked and made a face. Scorpius picked up my hand and played absentmindedly with my fingers.

"Don't worry about it", he mumbled.

"Yeah", I snorted, "Because it went so well for you?"

Scorpius sighed. I was afraid I shouldn't have said that, I didn't think ahead. He was obviously still upset about his parents. I regretted what I'd said and was just about to open my mouth to apologise to him when he said:

"Your parents aren't like mine." He looked away.

"I'm sorry", I mumbled quietly, Scorpius just shrugged. I felt the need to do something. Anything. It hurt to se him hurt. I put my arm around him hesitantly. This was all very new to me. He leaned against me and I relaxed. I let my hand run through his blond hair. He sighed.

We stayed in my room until mum called everyone down for dinner. We talked. We talked a lot about everything, or at least it felt like everything. It was like in our letters, just this time it was face to face. It was like having a weight lifted from you chest in a way. I had never talked like this with anyone. Ever. Sometimes we fell silent, but it didn't matter because it wasn't an awkward silence.

On our way down the stairs I put my hand i Scorpius'. He gave me a questioning look but didn't say anything. We reached the kitchen and my heart beat faster. Lily saw us and quickly looked down on her plate. James grinned and raised an eyebrow.

"So that's why you broke up with Clara? I get it!" It was a joke, he was just messing around thinking I was too. I gave scorpius' hand a light squeeze before letting it go. James chuckled but his grin faded a bit. I was stone-faced. Mum and dad had noticed our joined hands as well. The whole family except for Lily watched us carefully throughout the meal. She avoided my eyes stubbornly. They were all looking for signs that might answer the question I had made them all wonder now.

Dad tried to ask innocent questions like "so why didn't things work out with Clara?" and mum soon helped him with questions like "do you have a girlfriend, Scorpius?"

I didn't give them anymore clues and neither did Scorpius. "It just didn't" I said and shrugged. Scorpius shook his head to his question "Nah, I'm too busy with school and quidditch and everything, you know." The questioning continued until I left the kitchen with Scorpius in my wake. But no one dared to ask the real one. _Are you gay? _

Scorpius seemed almost amused by it all, but I just felt awkward and uncomfortable. I had planned to tell them, but changed my mind in the last minute. I realised that I just wasn't ready yet. I hadn't even figured out who I was to myself, so how could I tell them? What if it just suddenly changed? I couldn't exactly take it back once I'd said it. So I decided to wait.

I told Scorpius this when we returned to my bedroom. He said that he understood. I was relieved he didn't push it any further. I was done answering questions for a while.

"Just let me know", he said, "and I'll do it with you if you want."

It was a comforting thought to know that I didn't have to do this whole thing by myself.

"Thanks, I will", I assured him.

The last thing he said before going to sleep that night was:

"Thank you for letting me stay here."

"Don't think about it", I said. There was no need to tell him how I had first reacted when he came this morning. Everything was different now.

The next day was uneventful. We hung around the house. My family kept watching us but we made sure not to give them any more clues. We exchanged looks and touches when no one saw and we kissed goodnight before going to bed. And so went the third day and then fourth. Finally on the fifth day I decided it was time. Maybe it was still too soon, but I felt the need to loose up the building tension in the house.

So I told Scorpius that I was going to tell them. I still hadn't figured out what to say. Maybe skip down the stairs burst into the kitchen and yell "Hey! I'm gay!" doesn't sound much like me, does it? No, that was never a serious thought. Since my mind just went blank when I tried to come up with a good way to brake the news, I decided to improvise. If I was lucky the words would come naturally to me when it was time. Of course, they didn't.

It was after dinner. The dishes were doing themselves under dad's supervision and mum was cleaning the table. I snuck my hand into Scorpius' and he gave it an encouraging squeeze.

"Mum, dad", I begun. I swallowed hard. They both looked at me and their eyes soon drifted towards mine and Scorpius' hands.

"Yes, sweetie", said mum. I swallowed.

"There's something I need to tell you", I said. Just get to the point and lets be done with it! Said the voice in my head.

"What is it, Al?" asked dad. I had a feeling that he already had a feeling of what I was going to tell him. Mum straightened up and put away her dishcloth.

"I-" they both stared intensely at me. My heart was hammering in my chest. "I'm- Scorpius-" my grip tightened around his hand, "He's my... Boyfriend?" it came out as a question because as I said it I realised that neither of us had used that word before. I gave him and anxious look. He gave me a small smile and nodded.

Mum and dad didn't say anything for a moment. They exchanged looks with each other.

"Well..." said mum finally, "That's great, sweetheart."

"Good for you", said dad. Then they both came forward and hugged me. They were not angry, they did not despise me and they did not push me away. They were OK with it. A bit shocked? Yes. Just like Lily. Who could blame them, really? But they assured me that this didn't change anything about me or how they thought of me. (Except for the obvious that they would see me falling in love with a boy and not a girl, but they didn't say that.) And they introduced themselves to Scorpius and told him to call the by their first name. I let it go on for about five minutes, then I started to feel too smothered and escaped to my room with Scorpius. My boyfriend.

"See I told you it would go great!" he said happily when I closed the door. We hugged and kissed and I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling. It was a _huge _relief. You don't know how heavy a secret can be before you let it go.

_**A/N: I hope you all had a great christmas and new year!:) why don't we start 2011 by reviewing some chapters!^^ Hope you liked it, see ya!**_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Well now you've heard the story of how I came out to my family. James found out soon enough. He was surprised to say the least but then laughed and said that at least I wouldn't get anyone pregnant by mistake.

The rumour spread pretty quick around school. Scorpius and I figured that it would be easier just to let everyone see us and draw their own conclusions. We got some curious looks and whispers behind our backs the first couple of weeks. But people seemed to get used to us after a while and their gossip turned to someone else more interesting. It wasn't at all as bad as I had imagined. All those weeks of worrying before start of term for nothing.

We walked down the halls together hand in hand and the other students just couldn't be bothered to turn their heads after a while. I even allowed Scorpius to kiss me in front of other people. Not that we snogged in the hallways like some other people did (James), it just felt a bit shallow to me. I liked to have Scorpius alone, I wanted to have him all to myself. This became very clear during our seventh year at Hogwarts.

_Seventh year_

Scorpius was made captain of our house team, which meant that he spent even more time down at the quidditch pitch, training his team four or five days a week. I wasn't exactly happy about it but Scorpius insisted that it was necessary if we wanted to beat Gryffindor once and for all. Honestly if it hadn't been for Scorpius I wouldn't even have bothered to care about quidditch. It was fine until one day when I accidentally overheard some gossip by the Slytherin table. Scorpius' practice was running late and the whole team was missing from dinner.

"Did you know that McKinley-guy was gay too?" said gossip-girl number 1.

"Really?" said number 2. "Like the beater-McKinley... What's his name... Arnold?"

"Aaron. I heard he has this huge crush on Malfoy. That's like the only reason he joined the team. Wouldn't it be absolutely adorable if they got together? Like the two beaters... Together." She giggled.

"But Malfoy's with Potter, that's mean."

"McKinley's cuter than Potter."

They both broke into giggles and I stopped listening. My face was feeling hot. I was staring intensely down at my plate, gritting my teeth and clutching my fork in my hand. It wasn't the part about my looks that had made me mad. _Aaron McKinley. _I knew who he was, Scorpius had mentioned him a couple of times. He had praised him on his skills as a beater and passion for the game. Aaron was a tall sixth-year student with curly dark hair and eyes that - according to the girls - looked right into your soul. I don't really know what that means, but I'm guessing it's something good because they always said it with a distant gaze in their eyes.

So Aaron Mckinley was a gorgeous, well-trained quidditch-player who was now apparently going after my boyfriend. That's what made me grit my teeth and made my heart thump with fury. This bloke was better looking that me, he was probably funnier, he had the same interests as Scorpius, he was social and outgoing. He was everything Scorpius wished that I was.

I tried to take control of the anger and panic surging up within me. I took a few deep breaths and hoped my face wasn't too red. I took a small bite of my food but it didn't really taste anything, it was as if my tongue was numb.

_It's been over a year. He's sick of you, _I couldn't stop the thought, _just like Clara was. _

_This isn't Clara, _I reminded myself. _It's different. I actually like Scorpius. He means the world to me._

_You're still your old, boring self. _My cheeks felt hot again. _He thought that he could change you, but he couldn't. You've outgrown each other._

_He loves me!_

_He _loved _you. Now you're just boring. He wants someone better now. You're just out of his league. _

_He loves me! _

_Why do you think he spends so much time with his team and not with you?_

My inner discussion was interrupted by Scorpius himself. Muddy, sweaty and exhausted he came into the Great Hall. He ruffled my hair, kissed me on the head and crashed down next to me.

"Hey", he said and helped himself to some meatloaf. He started shuffling the food into his mouth but hesitated with his fork in the air after a look at me. "Are you alright?" he asked. I just looked at him for a second.

I realised that for the first time I knew exactly what he felt like when I was going out with Clara. He hadn't even done anything and still I felt betrayed.

"I'm fine", I said. Scorpius ate some more food frowned and said.

"You don't look fine. You look bloody angry."

"It's nothing", I muttered, "just drop it."

When we left the Great Hall together I cast a glance back just to catch McKinley's eyes following us out. He had the same sort of icy eyes as Scorpius, just blue instead of grey. They stood out from his dark hair and it must be that the girls meant when they talked about him staring into your soul. I wasn't impressed. I scowled. I didn't like the way he was looking at us with that slight smirk on his face, I didn't like it at all.

Scorpius left me in the common room to go to the prefects' bathroom and wash off the mud. I tried to calm myself. Why was I so angry? All I had heard was a bit of gossip from some silly girls. I didn't know if it was true or not yet. And even if it was I still had no reason to be mad at Scorpius. Maybe it was just the fact that if it was true, Scorpius must've picked up on it, but he hadn't told me. Why wouldn't he tell me? I would've told him. Wouldn't I?

I wanted to ask Scorpius about McKinley, but didn't want to sound like the jealous jerk boyfriend. So when Scorpius came back with his wet hair hanging around his face, I asked him as casually as I could:

"How was practise?"

He sat down next to me in the couch by the fireplace.

"Great", he said, "Wood got hit by a bludger and sprained her ankle because McKinley was busy with the other one on the other side of the pitch and I was yelling at Wilson because he gave Donovan a nosebleed. Then it was just kind of chaos, everyone was mad at each other and my head hurts." he sighed. "We'll never win the house cup if we continue like this." He rubbed his temples and frowned with pain.

"Maybe you're pushing them too hard", I suggested.

"No", said Scorpius and shook his head, "it's the only way. You don't play, so you don't know how it works."

I felt a bit offended. Of course I wouldn't know anything. I'm not a hot quidditch player like McKinley. I bet he knew everything. I bet they sat in their locker room for hours discussing strategy. That's why they were always running late. Scorpius could never talk quidditch with me because I didn't _understand _the game.

"I guess not", I said grumpily.

"Why are you in such a bad temper?" asked Scorpius annoyed.

"I'm not", I snapped.

"Whatever", muttered Scorpius and got up. "I'm going to bed."

_See, _said the voice in my head as Scorpius left, _he's sick of you and your nonstop whining. _

I sighed angrily. He's just tired, I thought.

I tried to control my angry thoughts for days. I forced myself not to be mad at Scorpius. But it was frustrating. When he wasn't at the quidditch pitch he was tired and when he wasn't tired he was revising for our N.E.W.T exams. I kept my mood up by thinking back to our sixth year when things had been much better. We hadn't had any big exams coming up, Scorpius hadn't been team captain and I had been the happiest I had ever been in my life. He hadn't frustrated me last year. All I could see was his perfectness. Now all of a sudden he wasn't as perfect anymore and it was nagging at me that I wasn't perfect in his eyes either. I always had a low self-esteem and Scorpius had made me feel so good about myself. But right now he was making me feel worse every day, and he didn't even know it.

Every time he said something good about McKinley, every time he came back from practise tired and grumpy and every time he chose _Spellbook: volume 7 _instead of me. I didn't want the old Albus to take over again so I forced myself to smile. This will all be over soon, I told myself, after this year things will get better.

One saturday during our last term there was going to be a quidditch match between Slytherin and Ravenclaw. If Slytherin lost they wouldn't be able to win the house cup, so it was important that they won. Scorpius was incredibly nervous. He could barely eat anything at breakfast, he who normally ate so much.

To my great annoyance, McKinley came up behind us. He put his hands on Scorpius' shoulders and started rubbing them a bit.

"You gotta eat, Scorp", he said.

I stared at him in disbelief. To start with he was touching my boyfriend, he didn't even care that I was sitting right there. And second, _Scorp_? They had nicknames for each other? Even I didn't have a nickname for him!

Scorpius saw my face from the corner of his eye. He put a hand on my knee.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked. _He is! _I wanted to say. McKinley gave me a condescending look. I shook my head.

"Nothing", I muttered. _If only he would take his hands off my Scorpius! _

"I can't eat", Scorpius said and shook his head, "I really can't."

He squeezed my knee, pushed his full plate away and got up.

"I'm going down to the pitch", he said. He bent down and kissed me on the lips. I don't know if I was just imagining it or not, but I thought that McKinley looked furious for a second when Scorpius pulled away.

"Good luck", I said. Scorpius smiled, but it looked more like a grimace.

"I'll come with you", said McKinley and followed Scorpius out. He walked as close to him as he could without actually touching him.

The thought of the two of them alone in the locker room together was heartbreaking. _Just don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't..._ Impossible_. _The time before the match felt endlessly long. When it finally started it didn't last for long though. It seemed that Scorpius' hard training had paid off because they took control of the game right from the start. Slytherin won with 300 points to 100.

I cheered with the rest of the crowd, but stopped abruptly. Scorpius and McKinley touched the ground and embraced each other tightly before the rest of the team landed around them. It felt as if my insides fell apart. Scorpius embrace had always belonged to me and I had never imagined him sharing it with someone else. I couldn't see them anymore, they were drowned by the teams whirl of joy. But that one first hug made furious tears burn behind my eyes. I blinked them away and gritted my teeth. For all I knew Scorpius and fucking McKinley could be snogging away, hidden by their teammates. I din't care if it was "just a hug" or if I was being silly or stupid because I couldn't control the emotions surging up inside me.

When I got to the common room that night it was in complete chaos. It was packed with people and food and drinks. Everyone were happy and celebrating. There ere glimpses of green and silver everywhere. I didn't know where to go. As soon as I entered the common room I started getting pushed around by all the people. It was suffocating.

I don't know how, but Scorpius somehow found me in the crowd of people. He had a Slytherin-banner over his shoulders like a cape and his cheeks were blushing red. He beamed at me.

"Al!" He pulled me in and kissed me. It didn't feel good at all. We were being crushed by other people and it was the wrong time. But before I could pull away, someone pulled Scorpius away. McKinley had grabbed his arm, pretending not to see me.

"Hey, Scorp!" he laughed, "You're missing all the fun! Wilson got us some drinks."

Scorpius smiled at McKinley and then gave me a questioning look.

"Come on!" McKinley urged and tugged at Scorpius' sleeve.

I shook my head.

"No, I don't want to", I said. I wasn't in the mood to sneak into some empty classroom and get drunk with McKinley and his friends.

"Sorry, Aaron", said Scorpius, "some other time."

McKinley rolled his eyes.

"come on, Scorp!" he laughed, "don't let him pull you down in his boringness."

I couldn't believe it. This guy was unbelievable.

"Hey!" said Scorpius, but the smile on his face ruined the effect.

"You've gotta come, you're the captain man! Let loose a little."

Scorpius sighed. I thought he would tell McKinley no again. But instead he said to me:

"I won't be long", he stroke my cheek, "see you later tonight."

And he disappeared into the crowd of people along with McKinley, leaving me alone again.

_**A/N: A bit longer that my usual chapters:) Give me your thoughts! Thanks for reading and hope you liked it^^**_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

_Seventh year_

I stomped up the stairs, making a lot of noise, kicked the door to the dormitory open and then slammed it shut behind me.

"Fuck!" I cried and kicked my trunk. I had never felt like this before. Fuck McKinley. I wanted to rip his face off and hit him until there was nothing human about him anymore. I had never felt this kind of _hate. _Or anger or jealousy.

Three hours later I was still upset, sitting on my bed. Scorpius came in through the door, still grinning. He tripped over a book, laughed and said:

"Hey, Al, Whatcha doing up here? The party's down there!"

He'd been drinking. Great.

"You said you wouldn't be long", I muttered and scowled at him. Scorpius laughed again but a bit hesitantly this time.

"I was only... What? Like one..."

"_Three _hours!"

Scorpius' grin faded. He suddenly seemed to sober up.

"Sorry", he mumbled. "I lost track of t-"

I got on my feet and cut him off.

"Had a lot of fun with McKinley, I guess!" I said furiously. Tears welled up in my already red eyes. "More fun than you'd ever have with me!"

Scorpius stared at me, confused.

"Sweetheart?" he said and came forward to put his arms around me. I moved away. "What is it?"

I couldn't stop myself from crying. All emotions bubbled up within me. Angry sobs shook my body. Scorpius looked bewildered, he tried to come closer again.

"Al, what's wrong? What are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know! McKinley has been drooling over you for weeks!"

Scorpius backed a step and raised his eyebrows.

"That's why you're so upset?" he said in disbelief, as if I was being silly. My face burned.

"So it's true then?"

"Is what true?"

"I saw you two!" I cried, "just throwing yourselves at each other after the match!"

"We're teammates!" said Scorpius and now he was angry. "We had just won the match! What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with _me_?" I bellowed. "I can't be upset when my boyfriend likes another guy?"

"Why do you just assume that I like him? When have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"

"But he _does _want you, doesn't he?" I was breathing heavily and my hands were shaking.

Scorpius sighed and his voice was calmer when he spoke again,

"Maybe. But why would that change anything? Al, please be reasonable."

I punched the side of my four-poster bed with my fist.

"It changes things because he is", I took a deep, shaky breath, "he is better than me. He looks better than me, he talks better than me, he flies better that me..."

"Al, don't do that. I love you, you know that." There was a pause.

"You didn't say it wasn't true", I mumbled hurt. "You think he's right, don't you? You think I'm boring."

"I don't-"

"That's why you said that you were only leaving me for a little while and then didn't come back for over three hours."

"I'm sorry it took so long... But, Al, seriously. You can't expect me to sit up here all night when my whole team is downstairs having fun."

My heart sank. I felt so worthless and boring. Worthless, boring and pathetic.

"Fine", I said and climbed into the corner of my bed.

"Don't take it the wrong way, sweetheart", said Scorpius. I put my arms around my legs and hid my face. "Please", begged Scorpius.

"Go away", I muttered.

"You're being ridiculous", said Scorpius with a voice that was sounding irritable again.

"I don't care!" I said, though of course I cared. A lot. "Ridiculous, pathetic, stupid, boring, whatever! You go have fun with McKinley!"

I heard Scorpius' angry sigh and although I couldn't see him, I knew exactly what face he was giving me.

"You know what", he said tensely, "maybe I will. Screw you, Al." He stomped off.

"Fuck you, Malfoy!" I called after him just as he slammed the door shut. Tears clogged up my throat and I choked.

So after nearly two years together we had our first major fight. That night could be compared to the night I was sorted into Slytherin. I was absolutely miserable. It was ten times as bad as the first time I thought I had lost Scorpius forever. Alone once again. We didn't speak to each other the morning after, we didn't even look at each other. We had broken up. It didn't need to be said, I could feel it and I knew Scorpius did too.

I think it's enough if I just tell you that I was miserable. I mean like there's-no-reason-to-live-I-might-as-well-just-lie-down-and-die-miserable. The only way I could keep sane was by burying myself in work. It wasn't very hard to do so close to the N.E.W.T's.

It took five days until we spoke again, but it felt like years.

"So you're just going to ignore me for the rest of the year?" said Scorpius one night in the common room. "Is that how much I meant to you, or what?"

He pierced me with his eyes. I stared at a spot to the left of his head.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked through clenched teeth. Scorpius shrugged.

"That you've been stupid and paranoid, maybe. That you were wrong? Apologise? Anything?"

"Why am I wrong?" I asked, "Why do I have to be the stupid one?" I shoved away when Scorpius sat down next to me, still not letting me go with his eyes.

"You just don't get it, Al", he sighed, "You're stupid because you don't trust me like you should. So what if Aaron has a crush on me? I don't have a crush on him now do I? I'd never cheat on you like that, but apparently you think I would. You're wrong because you think that just because you let me out of your sight for one moment I'll betray you. I don't understand. I thought we trusted each other? I love you."

"You don't know what it's like to be me", I said. I had though about this and I had come to a conclusion. My time with Scorpius had come to an end. "People are always better than me... At everything. McKinley is no exception", I shrugged and locked my shaking hands in my lap. "He'd be a better boyfriend than me. I'm way out of you're league anyway. And besides, we have nothing in common."

Scorpius was shaking his head.

"Don't be like that, Al. What's gone into you?"

The discussion continued like that. We were talking in circles. It ended with me convincing Scorpius to leave me alone. What _had _gone into me? That was a good question. I guess that part of me that doubted Scorpius never really left me. Something in my mind had always told me to stay away from him. I thought that I was past that, but apparently I was wrong.

Scorpius had caused to much misery in my life, the demon inside told me. The only way to stop the pain was to let him leave me. It will hurt for a while, I thought, but eventually it will get better. We could never have a happy lifetime together. We were too different after all. It wasn't meant to be.

Listen to your heart, said Scorpius. But I didn't know how.

The common room was almost empty when Scorpius finally got to his feet.

"I don't get you anymore, Albus", he sighed miserably. "What's happened to you?"

I still refused to look him in the eyes. I just shook my head. I didn't even recognise myself. Had I always been like this? Or had I really changed.

"Let me know when you're yourself again", Scorpius said and walked off towards the dormitories. I looked after him and thought one last time of his beautiful hair between my fingers.

_**A/N: Thoughts? **_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Trying to avoid someone you've broken up with when you go to the same school is hard. Trying to avoid them when you're sleeping in the same room is nearly impossible. I've already tried once and it didn't go very well. Scorpius was everywhere, and even when I didn't see him I saw things that reminded me of him. Quidditch gear, blonde hair, other couples... Anything, really. I just couldn't wait for this year to be over. _Just four months now, I'll be out of here in no time. _The one good thing that came out of this was that my grades improved a lot. But what did that matter? I still had no idea of what I was going to do after school.

I was no athlete, I could not write for the daily prophet and chasing dark wizards - not my thing. What other magical jobs could there be out there? Probably a million, I just couldn't think of any. I knew I did not want to be a teacher, no way I was going back to this school, too many bad memories. It was frustrating to see how everybody else had their future just planned out perfectly for them. Lily would play for the Holyhead Harpies, like mum - yeah, she was that good. James was currently working for dad at the auror's office. And Scorpius was going for some fancy job at the ministry, something to do with law probably. Me, I had no idea. I kicked myself for thinking of Scorpius. It hurt every time.

I couldn't stop myself from looking at him. He was talking to McKinley and Kelly Wood by the fire, he didn't look very happy. I had noticed that he had changed a bit since we broke up. He didn't walk with his back as straight and head held as high anymore. He had friends, so he wasn't as lonely as I was, but he sure looked sad.

It hurt to know that it was all my fault. If it hadn't been for me and my stupid ideas this wouldn't have happened. I wished he would come and talk to me again, beg me to take him back. If he did I wouldn't be able to resist. But apparently he'd listened to the stupid me and was leaving me alone. I couldn't find the strength to approach him myself. I didn't understand it. I tried once, but McKinley came in the way. He saw me, put his hand on Scorpius back and led him away while saying something I couldn't hear. He gave me a nasty look. After that I didn't try again. I just couldn't.

Somehow I got though my last year at Hogwarts.

On the last day of school I felt really sick. The breakfast plate stared mockingly at me and I couldn't eat a single bite. I felt cold and almost lightheaded, like I was running a fever or something. I wasn't really ill at all. I was scared. After months of enduring the torture of seeing Scorpius everywhere, I was suddenly not going to see him at all? How would I cope? Would I just go home and be alone for ever? Thats what it felt like. I didn't even want to get out of bed that morning. I seriously considered just staying there until someone dragged me out. But I pulled myself together, best as I could.

When it was time to leave I threw my things into my trunk, I didn't bother to fold anything. It was just like déjà vu when once again Scorpius and I were the only ones left in our dorm. But this time we didn't speak at all. Scorpius picked up his trunk and hurried out, without even the slightest glance at me. My heart felt like a huge stone in my chest as I looked after him.

I sat alone on the train. When I met up with the rest of my family on King's Cross, dad looked worriedly at me.

"You look pale, Al. Are you alright?"

"Yeah", I nodded. Though, that wasn't even a little bit true. I felt horrible. I felt like I could throw up or pass out at any second. The car ride home was an agony. I was squeezed in between Lily and the car door. I rested my head agains the cool window and closed my eyes, just hoping it would be over soon. As soon as we reached the house I climbed the stairs and crashed down on my bed. It was just before lunch and I was already exhausted. I hoped that I would get sick for real so I could have a reason to stay in bed for days.

Mum called my name, I covered my ears with my pillow. The smell of food had reached the top floor and I really didn't feel like eating.

"Al! Lunch!" mum called, then she gave up. I lay on my stomach with the pillow over my head, waiting for the day to end. After a while mum knocked on the door and entered my room.

"Are you not feeling well, sweetie?" she asked softly. She sat down carefully on the side of the bed and stroked my back. "There's food downstairs, if you want", she said. I groaned. "Would you like me to get you some water then?" I shook my head. Mum had to leave. Now. I felt like someone was burning a hole in my chest and I was fighting against the tears.

I needed Scorpius. I wanted him to hold me right now. That's all I needed. A sob escaped me and made my whole body twitch.

"Honey?" said mum worriedly. Tears burst out from my eyes and I sobbed again. I turned over to the side with my back against mum and gasped for air. "Honey, what's wrong?"

I tried to control the crying but I couldn't. The tears welled down from my eyes and I found it hard to breathe. See, that's the thing with me, I get all these feelings building up inside me and then they all just explode at the same time. It was like someone had pushed a button. My whole body hurt and I was shaking. Mum desperately tried to soothe me. I heard her call for dad. She brushed my hair out of my eyes.

"Where does it hurt, darling?" her voice was trembling. Dad rushed up the stairs.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know what's wrong with him!"

As my dad leaned over me, I felt my breathing slowly getting steadier.

"Albus? Does it hurt anywhere?"

I managed to shake my head.

"What's wrong?"

I drew a long, shaky breath. The tears wouldn't stop running down my cheeks.

"N-nothing", I mumbled and stared into the wall, trying ineffectively to blink the tears away. I could feel their piercing gaze against my back. I wanted them to leave me alone.

"It's not nothing, honey", said mum.

"Has something happened at school?" asked dad.

I tried to say no. My throat clogged up, I pressed my eyes shut. They only made it worse by staring at me like I was some kind of freak.

"Have you been bullied?"

"Did they hit you?"

"Have you done something?"

"Are you in trouble?"

Finally mum asked the right question.

"Is it Scorpius?"

I rolled on to my stomach and started sobbing again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. I only made a muffled sound for response, but she got the message. Both of them left my bedroom.

I stayed in bed the whole day. I didn't even eat dinner. Though mum came up with some sandwiches which she made me eat. I only managed to get down a few bites.

This went on for days. I only left my room to go to the bathroom. I stayed in bed, waiting for each day to end, and then the nights and then another day... And so on. I hated myself for what I had done to my life. This was all my fault. But I kept waiting for something to change, for me to feel better again.

Mum and dad checked on me every now and then, made me eat or drink something. I had lost all my strength. Everything hurt. It hurt to move, it hurt to be still, it hurt to think. It especially hurt to think.

"Al", mum said one day after making me eat a whole bowl of soup. I didn't know what day it was, I had lost track of time. All I saw was the clock ticking endlessly on my bedside table. "I know a bit of how you're feeling."

I didn't look at her, I stared at my wall. It hurt to talk as well.

"I've been left once, by someone I loved", she sighed and sat down in my desk chair. "It was your father."

Something was awakened within me. I'd never heard this story before. Dad left mum? When? Why? They always told us their cute, perfect little story. But I still didn't look at her. She had made me think of Scorpius again.

"I was just a bit younger that you are, it was right at the end of my sixth year, right before the war broke out at full blast. It was at a funeral, Albus Dumbledore's funeral to be exact. Your dad just came up to me and said that we couldn't be together anymore. I didn't show him then, but I was heartbroken. He said it was to protect me and everything, but it was still horrible. I wanted to do just like you, go lie in my bed and hide from everything. But I couldn't, because my family needed me and things were already hard for everyone. And then he came to my house and I couldn't avoid him, I had to see him all the time, which made it even harder for me." She paused.

My heart was beating faster. How come they had never told us any of this before? Mum continued.

"On his birthday, I gave him a kiss. A big mistake. He left shortly after and I was left heartbroken again. I didn't know if he was ever coming back again. Finally he did and we found a way back to each other. It turned out well in the end... So I guess what I'm trying to say is... Well, it's never too late, you can still find a way back..." she fell silent.

"He didn't leave me", I mumbled in a hoarse voice after a while. "I left him."

"Oh", said mum softly. "Oh, honey. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but I'm sure you'll find someone else and love him just as much."

I cringed.

"I don't want anyone else", I said, "I love Scorpius." My hands started shaking.

Mum stood up. I threw a glance at her and she gave me a sad look.

"It's never too late", she said before she left. She didn't say anything else, didn't even ask why I'd left him or anything. Of course, I wouldn't have had any good answer to that question. I didn't know, I was so confused I got lost in y own head.

I stayed in bed for the rest of that day too, but mum had changed something in me. A little hope or a light had suddenly appeared. She had pulled me back towards reality. If I just stayed here, nothing would ever change. I would never feel better. I would just get more and more miserable until I starved myself or something.

I got up early the next morning, my body felt stiff an soar and my head hurt. I walked over to my desk and took out all of Scorpius' letters. I started skimming through them. _I know it's here somewhere_... I thought ._It has to be... I know it's here...Yes! _ I put the letter I'd been looking for at the top of the pile and headed for the bathroom. I avoided to look in the mirror on my way in and stepped into the shower. I had always been a skinny boy, but now I was threatening to become a skeleton. I felt just as weak as I looked. I hadn't been up on my feet for this long in days. I made it down the stairs and sat down by the kitchen table. The newspaper told me it was saturday. I made myself a cup of tea and took out a slice of bread. I ate very slowly, fighting the urge to go up to my bed again. My eyes felt heavy and my mouth numb.

James came down to eat breakfast surprisingly early, his hair a mess and no shirt on.

"Wow", he said when he saw me, "he has arisen from the dead. The zombie is alive!"

I just gave him a look and he shrugged with a crooked smile.

"Sorry." He made himself four sandwiches. "You look terrible, by the way", he said and headed up to his room again. I sighed. There didn't seem to be a single thing in the world that could put James in a bad mood. Good for him.

Dad saw me as I was about to walk out the door. He seemed pleased to see me out of bed, but frowned a bit and asked:

"Where're you going?"

I hesitated. I still felt a bit anxious about this. No, really anxious, very anxious. Terrified. It could go either way, and I really _really _needed it to go the right way or I didn't know what I'd do.

"Umm... Out", I said vaguely. Dad, who looked like he was just out of bed just nodded and 'mm'ed. I opened the door. Outside I picked up the old letter from Scorpius with shaking hands from my pocket. He'd sent it ages ago. I felt a jolt in my chest at the sight of his handwriting. I skimmed through it again and found the sentence I was looking for. The one with his address.

Dad had said that the Malfoys lived in a mansion, but this was definitely not a mansion. It was a pretty normal house with brown brick walls. The garden was badly taken care of and white curtains covered the simple windows. The house wasn't very big, just enough for a family of three. I walked up to the front door quietly, almost tip-toeing. The street looked empty, but I didn't want to be seen. I knocked on the door and waited. Silence. My heart hammered. Maybe he wasn't home, the windows looked dark. I felt cold. Then I heard it, someone walking inside. There was a little movement behind the curtains and the person inside reached the door. I braced myself.

_**A/N: I need reviews!**_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I held my breath as the door handle was pressed down. But I froze as the door opened. It wasn't Scorpius. It was his dad, Draco Malfoy. I had never met any of Scorpius' parents before, I'd never been to his house. But this man couldn't bee anyone else. He was tall and slim with shabby clothes and untidy blond hair. I noted that Scorpius had inherited his pointed face and grey eyes from his father. Mr Malfoy looked at me for a few seconds and said with a frown:

"Who are y-" then his face cleared up as if he'd just realised something. "You're that Potter-kid?"

I stuttered and tried to take control over my tongue. This was not at all the way I'd imagined meeting Scorpius' father for the first time.

"Y-yeah."

He sighed and suddenly looked very tired.

"Scorpius's not here, he's at his mothers'", he muttered. My heart sank.

"Oh", I said. I was just about to turn around and leave, when Mr Malfoy said:

"You're that boy he's been seeing, right?" I nodded, feeling very uncomfortable. Malfoy nodded as well. "Yeah, he told us about you. Potter...You know I hated your father in school", he let out a short, empty laugh, "and home comes my son and tells me he's in love with Potter! We assumed it was your sister he was talking about at first. Never suspected it might be a bloke, thought we knew him!"

I clenched my teeth. After all Scorpius had told me about his parents, I had gotten a strong feeling I wouldn't like them very much. Well, turns out I was right.

"You don't know the first thing about him", I said, I couldn't stop myself. "You never have. Probably never will either."

Malfoy's expression turned grim.

"I know what he tells people", he said, "but we're not bad parents, you know." He paused, but I didn't say anything so he continued, "You can't blame us for being a little surprised! It wasn't like we threw him out when he told us, he practically ran out! It wasn't our fault."

I eyed Mr Malfoy up and down. He looked a mess. I didn't know if he'd been drinking or if this was just the way he was. One thing was certain though, it was people like him that'd made me resent all Slytherins.

"He ran, because he couldn't stand another day in your house", I hissed, "You and your wife - sorry - ex-wife made this house a living hell." I made a gesture towards the house. Malfoy scowled at me.

"That ungrateful brat had no idea of how much Astoria and I sacrificed for him! And you don't know what you're talking about! We had no money and could hardly get a job, but we kept him and we stayed together for sixteen bloody years for him!"

"I think you did him more harm than good", I said, "He thought you didn't love him, that he was just a stupid mistake."

"Where'd he get that from? We never told him that", said Malfoy and looked a little startled. "I told you, we're not bad parents! We loved our son!"

I snorted. _Loved. _

"No, but you told each other that. Walls are thin, Mr Malfoy, Scorpius listened to all of your fights."

Malfoy closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them again he took a deep breath and said:

"I love my son, Potter. But I tell you this, if I'd known how this would all turn out, I'd left Astoria the moment she announced her pregnancy. I'm sorry, but thats the ugly truth. Are you happy now? Are you going to tell your perfect little family how evil I am? How I managed to mess up both myself and my son? Go ahead! I don't care anymore! Do whatever the fuck you want, and tell Scorpius the same if you see him. When I was seventeen I promised myself I'd be a better father than mine was and that I would never turn into him. And guess what! I failed miserably!"

He was just about to slam the door shut when I stopped him.

"Wait!" I said, "I need the address to your ex-wife! Please!"

Malfoy clenched his teeth and tore off a piece of parchment. He scrawled down the address, gave it to me and then shut the door in my face.

Gathering the courage to go to Scorpius' mum's house wasn't as hard as gathering the courage to go to his father's. He'd got me mad and now I was all worked up. I had to do this now. So I knocked on the door without the slightest hesitation and straightened my back as the handle was pushed down. This time it was Scorpius who opened. He saw me and froze. My heart made a backwards somersault. The blood drained from my face as I saw his expression. He just stared at me, like he couldn't believe I was actually there.

"Al..." he choked and looked just as pale as I felt. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and just stay there. I wanted to tell him how stupid I was and how much I loved him and everything. But I could barely move at all.

"Scorpius", I said weakly. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head slowly.

"Why?" he asked quietly, "Why did you do this to me?"

I shrugged hopelessly and felt tears burning behind my eyes.

"I don't know", I said, "I'm so stupid, Scorpius. I'm so-" a tear rolled down my cheek. "I never should have left you. I love you! And these last couple of months have been hell. I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me! Please forgive me, I need you, Scorpius!"

I wiped the tears off my cheeks. He just kept staring at me.

"P-please", I begged, "I know I don't deserve it."

"You're right", he mumbled finally, he too was on the edge of tears, judging from his voice. "You hurt me."

"Forgive me. Come back and love me again, please. I can't be without you."

Scorpius leaned against the doorframe.

"I never stopped loving you, Al", he sighed, "I tried to, but I couldn't. I need you too."

I reached my hand out towards him, but he pushed it away gently and said:

"It's just that...", he bit his lip, "How can I know that you wont's just do this to me again, as soon as things gets hard again. How can I know that you wont brake my heart again. I need to know, Al, I can't bare losing you again."

I looked him straight in the eyes.

"I swear, Scorpius", I said, "I'll never leave you again."

He nodded.

"Don't forget you said that", he said.

"I won't."

And we fell into each other's arms. I filled my nostrils with Scorpius' scent. He hugged me even closer and whispered into my ear:

"I've missed you so much, sweetheart."

We pulled apart and I gave him a salty kiss which Scorpius returned immediately. He stepped back and let me in.

"You look ill", he noted when he closed the door behind me.

"I know, I said. "It's been rough."

I shoot a glance at him, he had dark bags under his eyes and his hair - which normally stood up in a handsome messy way - lay flat on his head. Guilt burned inside me. I hadn't just ruined my own life these last months. But now I was determined to make up for it.

Scorpius showed me the way to his room. This house only had two bedrooms, one bathroom and a small kitchen.

"How did you know where I was?" Scorpius asked. I stared down at the carpet.

"I went to your dad's", I mumbled uncomfortably. From the corner of my eye I could see Scorpius's face harden.

"How is he?" he asked grimly. I looked up at him and told him everything. Well, almost everything - I didn't have the heart to tell him what his dad said about wishing he'd left his unborn child. And then Scorpius told me everything. I knew he'd never had a good relationship with his father and it had only gotten worse after the divorce. After a long series of fights and discussions, Mr Malfoy had gotten the house and Mrs Malfoy had moved out. That's when they realised they didn't know what to do with Scorpius. Before he had seemed to be nothing more than a burden to them, now all of a sudden they both wanted him. They forced him to choose and he ended up picking his mum, which made his dad furious. It was all just a big mess.

"I'll move out as soon as I get a job", he said finally.

"You're always welcome at my house", I mumbled quietly.

"Thanks, Al", Scorpius said and smiled, "But I'll need a place of my own eventually won't I? I'd love for you to share it with me, though," he blushed.

I let out a nervous laugh. Living with Scorpius, just the two of us? The thought was both intriguing and a bit scary. We would be like... A family? A _real _couple? Whoa.

"You're so cute", laughed Scorpius and tackled me onto the bed. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him towards me. When our lips met the front door opened downstairs. We pulled apart.

"That's my mum", said Scorpius and stood up. A woman's voice called from downstairs. "Do you want to meet her?"

I shrugged.

"Do you want me to meet her?"

Scorpius nodded towards the door. We went down to the kitchen. Scorpius mother was a tall and slim woman with long, straight brown hair.

"Hi-" she turned around and startled. "Oh, um... Hello there", she said and gave me a puzzled look.

"Mum, this is Al", said Scorpius, "Potter."

"Oh!" said Mrs Malfoy, now putting things together. She reached out her hand. I took it and said:

"Hello, Mrs Mal- Er, Green-?" What was I supposed to call her? She smiled.

"Miss Greengrass is fine", she said. I nodded. She eyed me up and down. "So you're the boy who stole my sons heart and took the chance of grandchildren away from me?" she said.

I shifted awkwardly and shot Scorpius a desperate glance.

"Mum", he sighed irritably, "we've been through this a million times."

Mrs Malfoy - I still called her that in my head - sniffed.

"I'm just saying, I would much rather spoil my own grandchildren and not some knocked up teenager's little bastard."

"At least we won't have any kids we didn't want", muttered Scorpius. His mother gave him a warning look. The tension was building up in the room and I felt extremely uncomfortable. "Come on, Al", said Scorpius and gave his mum a last, angry look.

He dragged me outside.

"Sorry about that", he muttered and led the way towards a small hill. "She's not very high on adoption."

"No..." I mumbled. I didn't really know what to say. Adoption? Children? Children with Scorpius? It was _way_ too early for even talking about that. Jeez, we just finished school for crying out loud. We sat down on the top of the hill and looked down at the little village below. Scorpius took my hand.

"I wish it wasn't so hard for me to get a job", he said. "It's all my dad's fault... And his parents, of course... _Fucking stupid..._"

I remember when Scorpius explained this to me just a year ago. Being a Malfoy made it almost impossible to get a job at the ministry. Even now, so many years after the war, people were still afraid to get connected to Voldemort. The Malfoys were known for being on his side, so no one wanted to be connected to them either. It was absolutely unfair, but still true.

I sent an owl to my parents and stayed the night at Scorpius' house. We went home to my house the morning after.

"You guys back together?" asked Lily and yawned when she saw us. "Great." She poured herself a bowl of cereals and lost interest.

Mum and dad were happy for me and relieved to see me eat normally again. James was busy on the phone with some muggle-girl he'd met, but he grinned and gave us the thumbs-up. Everything felt just great at the moment. So great.

_**A/N: Love it? hate it? You know what reviews are for;)**_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

_Age 18, Hallowe'en _

I had just gotten an internship at St. Mungo's, but Scorpius still hadn't found anyone who'd hire him. He was kind of bummed about it, but determined not to give up. I barely made any money, so we still lived at my house. Mum and dad didn't mind. James had moved out recently and there was plenty of room. Although, today was going to get very crowded. Mum had invited the whole family for dinner tonight.

Entering the kitchen right now would be practically suicide. Mum was waving her wand around, making pots and pans and knives fly everywhere. She had put dad on cleaning duty upstairs and me, Scorpius and Lily downstairs. Scorpius and I finished our part in no time, but Lily who was not yet seventeen, was vacuuming the living room muggle-style, muttering under her breath. I sat down on the couch and started spinning my wand between my fingers. Lily scowled at me.

"You could just do this for me, you know", she said.

"I could", I said and nodded.

"It would take you like two seconds", she turned the vacuum off and wiped the sweat off her forehead.

"It would", I agreed. She crossed her arms over her chest, knowing I was just mocking her now.

"But you won't", she sighed.

"I won't", I said with a smirk.

"Because you're an arse", she said.

"Because I'm your brother", I corrected her. She sat down in an armchair and kicked the vacuum with her foot.

"Well then", she said and turned to Scorpius, "will you please do it for me?"

Scorpius flicked his wand.

"Is that better for you?"

Lily glanced around.

"Good enough", she shrugged. "Thanks, Scorpius!" And she left.

At the same time there was a small 'pop' and a girl with frizzy red hair and a sixteen years old boy clinging to her arm with a shaken expression turned up in the living room. Cousin Rose and Hugo.

"That was bloody painful", breathed Hugo and let go of his sister. She just shrugged.

"You're early", I said and Rose grinned.

"I just couldn't wait to see your new boyfriend", she gave Scorpius an approving nod. "He's cute", she stepped forward to shake Scorpius' hand. "I'm Rose, cousin to that dork", she nodded towards me. I sighed.

By five o'clock in the afternoon our house was full of people. There was Aunt Hermione and uncle Ron with cousins Rose and Hugo, uncle Bill and aunt Fleur with cousins Victoire, Dominique and Louis, uncle George and aunt Angelina with cousins Fred and Roxanne, uncle Percy and aunt Audrey with cousins Lucy and Molly, uncle Charlie and Teddy and James of course. I don't know if you got all that, we were 27 in total anyway. I never liked big crowds, but mum forced me down to the living room to socialise. Scorpius had no problem with it at all.

"Come on", he said and nudged me in the side, "wipe that grumpy look of your face, it's just your family."

"You sound like my mum", I muttered.

Obviously the news about Scorpius hadn't reached everybody yet, because Dominique came up to Scorpius and I and said.

"Who's your friend, Al", eying Scorpius with a pleased look, "He's very handsome."

"Er", I said a bit confused.

"I'm Dominique", she swept her blond hair over her shoulder and shook Scorpius' hand. I guess since she had veela blood in her she was naturally flirtatious and pretty, but it was a bit annoying really. Not that I was afraid she was going to steal Scorpius from me - being a girl made it kind of impossible. But this was just too awkward to watch.

"I'm Scorpius", said Scorpius with a kind smile, "Al's boyfriend."

Dominique was so startled she stopped batting her long eyelashes and just stared.

"Oh", she said and when she recovered from the surprise she added, "nice to meet you, I've heard do much about you", in a slightly higher pitch.

Then she left, before she could make more fool of herself.

The afternoon went fine, until we sat down to eat. The table was full of delicious dishes and everybody was eager to dig in. Uncle Ron reached for the peas and said, quite casually:

"So, Malfoy, don't you have a family of your own to eat with?"

Aunt Hermione shot him a look.

"Ron!" she hissed warningly.

Scorpius looked up.

"Er", he said awkwardly, "Yeah... Um."

"No offence", said Ron, very offensively, "I just thought this was a family dinner."

"Scorpius is more than welcome to eat here", said mum and gave her brother an angry look. Ron muttered something under his breath and glared at Scorpius. I gave Scorpius a worried glance, his cheeks were turning slightly pink. I'd been afraid this would happen. I knew that uncle Ron had never really forgiven the Malfoy's for what they did during the war.

An uncomfortable silence had settled over the table. Hermione was murdering her husband with her eyes. She was the kind of person you did not want to piss off in the first place.

"Was he really the best you could do, Al?" asked Ron after a little while, acting as if everything was perfectly normal.

"Ron!" said dad shocked. Scorpius' body tensed. I was gritting my teeth.

"I'm just saying", said Ron, "there's got to be another gay guy who's better for you."

"What's wrong with Scorpius?" I asked furiously. Ron gave my boyfriend the evil eye.

"He's a Malfoy, Al. You can do better, trust me."

"Ron, don't!" snapped Hermione, "don't be so silly!"

"I'm not my dad, if that's what's bothering you", said Scorpius tensely. Ron Ignored him.

"Besides, he's a Slytherin."

"That's _enough_!" dad stood up and slammed his hand on the table, startling everyone, including Ron. "What is _wrong _with you?"

"I'm a Slytherin!" I said and scowled. Ron looked from me to my dad, his face fell flat.

"I- that- that's not how I meant. I-"

Dad cut him off.

"Scorpius is a part of this family now, just as much as Teddy or Audrey or anybody else! If you can't accept that, then you'd better leave. Never insult my son like that again!"

I had never seen my dad bark like that at anyone before - well except maybe when James turned Lily purple as a joke when he was twelve. Ron just stared blankly at him.

"I'm sorry", he mumbled. Dad sat down again.

"Apologise to Scorpius", he said. Ron scowled and only muttered angrily under his breath. Mum was just about to say something to him when Scorpius got ahead of her.

"Don't even bother", he said, "You know, I've been taking this kind of crap all my life. I get judged before I even open my mouth because my father fucked up his life. So, don't worry, you're just like everybody else. I won't bother you again."

He stood up and marched out of the dining room. I was absolutely stunned. What just happened? Ron just screwed up family dinner, that's what happened.

"You're such an idiot!" mum bellowed.

"Way to kill the mood!" said Rose, "good job, dad!"

"I can't believe you", yelled Hermione.

Soon everyone was involved in the fiery discussion. The dining room was in complete chaos and the food was forgotten. I threw my fork at my plate and stormed out as well. Their angry voices echoed all the way to the top floor. I walked into my room and shut the door behind me. Scorpius was sitting on his bed, biting his thumbnail with a scowl on his forehead.

"What the fuck am I doing?" he said frustratedly. I shook my head slowly, not sure of what he meant.

"I d-" I started.

He flung his arms out.

"Here I am, screwing up my boyfriend's family dinner because I can't fucking stand my own damn family-"

"You didn't screw up the dinner", I interrupted, "uncle Ron did. It wasn't your fault."

Scorpius shrugged.

"It's just that I'm stuck here! Since I can't get a job because of my bloody name so I can't get a bloody place of my own. All I can do is sit around on my fucking arse and I'm sick of it. I'm such a-"

What Scorpius was, I never got to know. Because just then an idea popped up in my head and went immediately to my lips.

"Marry me."

Scorpius stopped mid-sentence and almost choked.

"W-what?" he stared at me in surprise. The blood shot to my face. I didn't think at all before I said that. Man, that was the first time I _ever _thought that. But as I said it it made kind of sense. I stared back.

"Marry me and take my name", I said. Scorpius blinked.

"You want me to marry you just to get your name so I can get a job and get out of here?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. I shook my head.

"No", I said and a smile started spreading across my face. "I want you to marry me because I love you. I love you more than anything and I can't imagine living without you, so why not? You'll take my name and you'll have a job in no time. We'll move out and we'll start a life of our own." I just said the things that came up in my head. It was like I was convincing myself just as much as I was convincing Scorpius. My heart started to swell in my chest. The pieces just all fell together. "Just marry me", I said for the third time, grinning from ear to ear.

Scorpius got to his feet.

"OK", he said and laughed. "I'll just marry you then."

He put his arms around me. We kissed and laughed at the same time. The feeling was too big to describe. It was a turning point in our lives, a step into adulthood. We just couldn't stop smiling. Who knew such a crappy dinner could turn into such a wonderful night?

_**A/N: Chapter 11! dunDun DunDun (Wedding March;p) I'll just say that when I started this fanfic I never thought I'd get this far, it was just an idea I had to write down. I'm quite proud of myself actually:D But I don't trust my own wordXD What do you think? :) Review^^ BTW, Ron isn't evil, he's just got a problem with Malfoy's and he **_**does**_** care about Al;)**_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

An outdoor wedding, that's what both Scorpius and I agreed on. It would be in the spring, two years after we graduated Hogwarts. With only a few weeks to go I still couldn't believe this was really happening. I was marrying Scorpius. Scorpius, my husband. It sounded so weird. My family was thrilled when we announced our engagement.

_Age 19_

"A wedding", said mum and beamed, "how lovely!"

"Congratulations!" said dad.

"Yay for you!" said Lily.

"Only if I'm the best man", said James.

"Sure, James", I said, "You can be my best man."

"Well then", said James satisfied, "best wishes!"

Scorpius' parents reaction was a little cooler though. His mother narrowed her lips.

"That's a very grown up decision to make", she said and pierced her son with her eyes, "you're still a teenager, Scorpius."

"I know, mum", said Scorpius firmly, "I love Al. We are getting married, age is just a number."

"But this is not a light decision", said his mum stubbornly, "You're still a child! You've only had one love-"

"Mum, stop it!" said Scorpius, getting frustrated. "You don't get a say in this."

"I don't want you to make the same mistake I did, that's all", said Mrs Malfoy with a sad sigh.

"Don't worry", said Scorpius venomously, "I'm not going to get pregnant by mistake."

His mother flinched. That was always a sore spot.

To his father, Scorpius sent a letter with the news. Mr Malfoy didn't reply which stung a bit for Scorpius. But he did not want to go to his house and face him.

"If he doesn't want to see me, he doesn't have to", muttered Scorpius. I felt bad for him. I tried to cheer him up, but it was obvious that what he really wanted was a little forgiveness from his dad. "He hates me", he said once, "because I chose mum. First I ruined his marriage and then I chose mum over him. That's why he doesn't want to hear from me."

I didn't know what to say to that. I didn't think Scorpius' father hated him, he was his _father _after all. I just didn't know how to convince Scorpius. I couldn't lie and say Mr Malfoy was a great dad and loved his son more that anything, because even I doubted that. Scorpius' family was nothing like mine. It was hard to know how to act.

When we sent out the wedding invites, Scorpius didn't want to send his father one.

"What's the point, he won't come anyway", he shrugged and didn't want to talk any more about it. But I sent him one anyway, thinking there could be no harm in asking. At worst Mr Malfoy didn't show up and Scorpius never had to know.

While I was walking around in some sort of bubble, trying to plan a wedding with my favourite blonde, James was dating numerous girls. It seemed to be a new name almost every week. It was all Daisy this and Hannah that and Emma here and Sarah there. He was a busy man, working long hours too. Good thing he had his own apartment. Lily had gone straight from school to professional quidditch and had found love in one of her teammates. That, sadly for her, would eventually end badly causing Lily to leave her team, though. My situation was so different from theirs.

We were not going to have any big fancy wedding or anything like that. Neither Scorpius nor I were very keen on that. All we wanted was a small, outdoor wedding with our families and friends. Well, I didn't really have any friends, but Scorpius invited some of his old teammates from Slytherin - but not McKinley. How weird would that be? "Oh, hello there McKinley. By the way would you like to come to my wedding? Yes, I'm marrying your old crush, I hate you, see you there!" Not very likely.

The closer we got to the day of the wedding, the more unreal it felt, for some reason. All of a sudden I was picking out a wedding cake. They all just tasted like cake to me, but mum insisted they were all very different. I simply picked the same as Scorpius. I got more and more nervous. I had only been to one wedding before. I was fourteen and it was cousin Victoire and Teddy's. They'd had a big - no huge - white wedding and I spent that whole day shaking hands with people I didn't know, smiling politely. It hadn't been very fun.

The night before the big day, I had a hard time falling asleep. I was lying in my bed with Scorpius arm around me, just feeling like something was living in my stomach.

"Scorpius?" I mumbled into the dark, not sure if he was asleep yet. He made a muffled sound into the pillow as response. "Are you nervous?"

Scorpius turned his face towards mine, although all I could see in the dark was the reflection in his eyes.

"No", he said and yawned. "Are you?"

I nodded, he couldn't see it but I knew he could feel it.

"Why not?" I asked and frowned, "Why aren't you nervous?"

Scorpius shrugged.

"I guess I'm used to people looking at me", he said. Of course he would be, from playing quidditch so much.

"Yeah", I said, "but that's not what I'm nervous about. It's the whole marriage thing."

I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath. Scorpius moved in closer and put his head on my shoulder.

"What's there to be nervous about?" he mumbled, drifting off to sleep, "It's not like anything's going to change between us."

Before I could come up with something more to say, Scorpius had started to snore softly. It felt good that he was so sure of this. But something was still nagging inside me. I lay awake for a long time, stroking Scorpius' hair absent-mindedly. I loved him alright, there was no doubt about that. So what was there to be nervous about really? Scorpius was right, nothing had to change. Nothing was going to change. Except that everything _was _going to change.

The morning came, and since I was woken by the sunlight shining in through the window I must've somehow fallen asleep the night before. The bed felt unusually empty, it took me a moment to realise that Scorpius was already up.

"Morning, sweetheart", he said and came back from the bathroom, his hair still wet from the shower.

"Morning", I mumbled sleepily. He'd been calling me sweetheart for a long time now, but I still didn't have a nickname for him. Things like that just didn't come naturally for me.

"Today's the big day", he beamed at me. I rubbed my eyes and yawned.

"You ready to do this thing?" I said and returned his smile, mine was much weaker though. My beautiful, beautiful Scorpius. In just a few hours he'd be my husband. Crazy thought.

It was moments before the ceremony. I was standing in my room, sweating in my dress robes and feeling like the collar was trying to strangle me.

"How do you feel?" asked James with a grin. He was leaning casually on my bed. Of course this wouldn't be such a big deal for him, nothing was. Basically this was just another opportunity for him to hook up.

"Great", I said shortly. Like I'm walking to my death, would be a more truthful answer.

Dad had told me this might happen. Cold feet. Breathe, Al, just breathe. Don't panic. You love him. You're just getting married. No big deal.

Wrong. Huge deal. You're only nineteen. Are you bloody mad?

My heart hammered against my ribs and my hands started shaking. Breathe. Take it easy.

There was a hard knock on the door and uncle Ron entered. The fight at hallowe'en last year was long forgotten. Ron had apologised and it was all good. He agreed that Scorpius was OK, but he would never like Draco - and no one was stupid enough to argue with him any further.

Something flashed in his eyes.

"Draco Malfoy just arrived", he said stiffly. Both James and I startled.

"You're not going to do anything stupid are you?" asked James suspiciously. Ron shook his head and clenched his teeth.

"Just thought you should know", he said shortly.

"What did Scorpius say?" I asked worriedly. Ron looked at me.

"That's also why I came", he said, "Scorpius just walked off when he saw his father ... Er ... Someone should probably go check on him or something."

"Well where is he then?" I asked. Ron shrugged.

"Not sure, he disappeared around the back of the house."

I was about to go out after him but James stopped me.

"Wait!" He said, "the groom can't see the bride before the wedding, it's bad luck!"

Both me and Ron looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"There is no bride", I said. James rolled his eyes.

"Well, not technically. But wait here, I'll handle this. That's what the best man's for right?"

I didn't get a chance to answer before he was gone. Ron looked around awkwardly for a bit before he left too.

"Well, good luck then", he said.

I sat down on my bed with a deep sigh. Now I was even more nervous. Great. What if I walked up to the altar and there was no Scorpius? I stared down at my shaking hands. It seemed like forever before James came back. Only, it wasn't James that came back.

"Al, it's time", said Lily. She looked so grown up in her blue dress and high heels, I couldn't believe it.

"Where's Scorpius?" I asked, still worried as I stood up. She hurried me down the stairs.

"Don't worry, everything's under control", she said. Something in her voice made me doubt her though. She stopped briefly by the mirror in the hallway to make sure her hair looked OK and to pick up a small bouquet of flowers. "Ready?" she said to me, an excited sparkle in her eyes, "here we go."

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining down on the big party tents set up in the garden and there was barely any wind. My heart beat faster as I looked towards the white tents. I could see the small crowd of people, but I could not yet see Scorpius.

James met us smilingly by the entrance. He took Lily's arm and started up the aisle as the music began. I braced myself with a deep breath before I followed them. There was no going back now. With my heart bursting out of my chest and my stomach turning itself inside out I entered the party tent. All eyes were turned on me.

Then I saw him. Stunning in his black dress robes, hair combed neatly and face beaming with happiness. My perfect, beautiful Scorpius stood there waiting for me halfway up the aisle. All the doubt in my body melted like butter in the sun. Who cared how old I was, I was just plain happy and this would have happened eventually anyway.

The whole ceremony went smoothly. It was a kind of surreal feeling, but a good one. No one stuttered and no one fainted and we got our I do's alright. It was first afterwards, when our families all came to congratulate us before sitting down to eat that things got a little tense.

As the redheads thinned out, one particular blonde became clear of view. Scorpius looked at his father, jaws clenched together. I took his hand and shot him a worried glance, praying to whatever god there was that no one would cause a scene. Not here, not now. The tension got to me and I was forced to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Mr Malfoy, you came!" I exclaimed and smiled at him. He nodded and only managed a stiff grimace.

"Scorpius", he said in a low voice, turned to his son.

"Father", said Scorpius, refusing to look at him. He, being slightly taller than his father, stared at a spot above his head. "I see you got our letter."

Mr Malfoy shifted awkwardly.

"I'm happy for you, son", he said, carefully trying to catch his eye. Scorpius just nodded, still not looking at his father. He continued, "I'm sorry you haven't heard very much from me lately", he mumbled, "I've been very busy."

"Don't bother to lie", Scorpius cut him off, "I don't care. Come on, Al."

He led me away. I turned to throw a look at Mr Malfoy, my new father in law, and he gave me a short nod.

"You really should give him another chance", I mumbled. Scorpius sighed. He smiled at me.

"Maybe", he said, "but not today. I won't deal with that stuff today. All that matters right now is you, Mr Potter."

I smiled back.

"And you, Mr Potter."

Scorpius Potter. Who'd have thought? Not me, that's for sure.

As the night went by and drinks went down, any tension that had been building up at the wedding seemed to melt away. Even uncle Ron was fine with the presence of Draco Malfoy. I wouldn't say they became friends all of a sudden, but at least no one threw insults at the other. Well, uncle Ron couldn't resist it and said with a smug smile:

"How does it feel to be the poor one for a change?"

But after a stern look from his wife he kept his mouth shut.

Scorpius avoided his father carefully, but at the end of the night their relationship felt a whole lot warmer to me. Scorpius gave up the glaring. The food was well done and the cake delicious. I thought to myself that thighs couldn't have gone by any smother. It was for sure the best day in my life so far, cheesy as it may sound. And I wasn't the only one having a splendid time.

James enjoyed himself very much indeed. He had seated himself next to Kelly Wood, one of Scorpius' old teammates. Since she was one of the few at this wedding that James wasn't related to, and she was undeniably a pretty girl, I guess he couldn't resist flirting with her.

"You know", he said, trying to look as attractive as he possibly could. To me he just looked kind of stupid, but the girls usually swooned over him so obviously he must be doing something right. "My brother may be gay", he continued, "but I'm definitely not."

Kelly turned to him and gave him a sceptical are-you-talking-to-me-look.

"I could prove it to you if you like", James said with a little wink of his eye.

"Really", se said, eyeing him up and down, not looking very convinced.

"Yeah, really", said James, "I know you're a quidditch player. Maybe we could have a little match just you and me", he gave her a meaning look, "one on one."

Kelly turned her whole body to face James completely. A smirk curled the corners of her mouth.

"Oh", she said, mimicking James' flirtatious tone of voice, "but you see, the thing is, I only play with boys who can handle their broomsticks alright. I've seen you play and I'm sorry to brake it to you, darling - not very impressed."

James smirked. It seemed that he had finally met his match when it came to flirting.

"Don't worry, Miss Wood", he said, "I'm positive that I could get my quaffle through your goal hoop any time."

"Is that so?" said Kelly, her eyes twinkling, "and here I thought that you were the keeper."

"I'll be anything you like, _darling._"

My eavesdropping was interrupted by my new husband.

"There you are, sweetheart", he mumbled into my ear, "You coming to bed with me?"

I got to my feet.

"Sure am."

_**A/N: Soooo, chapter 12 and they're married! =) Sorry if it got a bit cliché and stuff... I just thought they deserved to have a happy day together LOL;) But anyway, what did you think? Review, please?O_o**_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

_Age, 19_

Three days after the wedding Mr Malfoy came to our house again. I saw him come up to the house through the window. First I thought that I was imagining it and blinked. How stupid of me.

"Er... Scorpius", I said. He looked over my shoulder and his face fell.

"What is he _doing _here?" he said in disbelief.

There was sharp knock on the door and my dad reached it before us.

"Mr Malfoy", he said sounding surprised.

"Mr Potter", said Mr Malfoy tensely, "I need to talk to my son."

Dad let him in. I tried to get Scorpius down the stairs, but he refused.

"You said you'd give him another chance!" I said, pulling his arm.

"I don't want to", said Scorpius, pulling back, "not now."

"When then?" I asked. Scorpius didn't get a chance to answer, because just a second later Mr Malfoy appeared on the landing. Scorpius froze and I let go of his arm. Mr Malfoy looked Scorpius right in the eyes. He must've seen the same thing I saw, that Scorpius was about to go right back in my room and slam the door shut, because he said.

"You stay right here, Scorpius."

"Don't tell me what to do", replied Scorpius, but he didn't move. His father took a deep breath.

"You are going to stand right there and hear me out. You can't keep running away like a little kid. You think you're so grown up, start acting your age."

"What's your point?" said Scorpius impatiently. I had unintentionally moved further and further away, now standing with my back against the wall. I felt extremely uncomfortable in this situation. I felt I shouldn't be here, like I was intruding on their personal life, in my own house.

"Listen", said Mr Malfoy, "I know I haven't always been good to you. I haven't been the dad I should have been and I've been unfair. I can't deny that, nor can I take it back. But you have to understand that I'm really sorry. If I could turn back time and change things I would. But I can't. I'm not asking you to forgive me for everything, but please, can't we just start over. I don't want to lose my son like I lost my father."

Scorpius didn't say anything. His hands were trembling and he stuck them in his pockets.

"I know a thing or two about having a bad relationship with your dad. Please, Scorpius, I beg you, don't hate me." There was a long silence. My heart was beating hard from the tension. "Are we OK?" asked Mr Malfoy finally.

Scorpius swallowed hard. Then he nodded.

"Sure, dad."

Mr Malfoy stepped forward and patted his son's shoulder, rather awkward.

"Thank you", he said.

_Age, 25_

Things had really changed. The time of living with my parents and siblings and spending hours in my room with Scorpius was long gone. We were proper grown ups now, living in a small house about an hour away from mum and dad, working five days a week and feeling very proud of ourselves.

I had finally gotten my Healer diploma and Scorpius was working at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Everything was as we wanted it to be. I was perfectly happy with my life as it was ... Or so I thought.

It was just a normal day at work. I arrived at St. Mungo's at seven thirty, I said hi to the Welcome Witch in the reception, I took the lift up to the third floor and I sat down in my office to start the day with a bit of paperwork. Little did I know that when I went home that afternoon, I would have completely changed my view of what I wanted in my life.

The day carried on as usual. My department treated spell damage, so I met all sorts of weird people with the most unbelievable complaints. But like I said, it was just a normal day at work, like every other day. At five o'clock I got up to collect my last patient for the day.

"Daisy Bray!" I called out in the waiting room.

A stressed looking woman stood up. She had a firm grip around the wrist of a reluctant little girl, who couldn't be older than maybe four or five. The girl whined and tried to pull her hand free.

"It's my daughter, sir", said the woman in a tired voice, lifting the girl up on her hip. "She got into a fight with her sister, I couldn't stop them in time ..."

"Megan's a meanie!" said little Daisy in a shrill voice. At first glance there didn't seem to be anything wrong with her. Then I saw the small, grey horns poking out of her fair hair. I gave the stressed mother a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry", I said, "It happens all the time. I've lost the count of how many horns and tails and snouts I've removed at this hospital."

The mother smiled back weakly. She put her daughter down on the floor and we were just about to go into the examination room when a man, who must've been the woman's husband dashed into the waiting room.

"Nora!" he called and Mrs Bray turned around. "Megan ran away again!"

She heaved a frustrated sigh.

"_Again? _Why can't you keep her on a leash or something", she said irritably, "I'm just about to..." she waved her hand towards me and her daughter's horns."

"She won't listen to me, honey, please!" begged Mr Bray.

"You can go", I said, "I'll remove the horns, it won't even hurt. It'll be done in fifteen minutes or so."

Mrs Bray looked from me to Daisy.

"Is that OK with you, sweetie?" she asked. The little girl gave me an examining look and finally said.

"Fine."

"Be nice."

Mrs Bray kissed her quickly on the head and then hurried away with her husband.

"Which way did she go?" was the last thing I heard from them.

"Come on, Daisy", I said, "Let's make you look less like a goat, shall we?"

I lifted her up on the hospital bed. Before I could remove the horns I had to examine her to make sure I didn't use the wrong spell.

"How old is your sister?" I asked.

"She's twelve", said Daisy grumpily, "she has a wand, it's unfair, she's a meanie. She's not even supposed to use magic at home!"

"I see", I said. "Does this hurt, Daisy?" I pressed down around the horns.

"No", said Daisy. She looked up at my face, seemed to ponder for a while and then asked, "Do you have kids?"

"No", I said, trying to figure out what kind of spell her sister had used. Since she was twelve, it had probably been an accident and that made it a little harder to determine.

"Are you married?" asked daisy. I nodded. "Is she pretty?"

"It's a he, actually", I said, thinking about Scorpius and hoping that the dinner would be ready when I came home.

"So you don't want kids then", said Daisy in a matter-of-fact sort of tone that she looked much too young for.

"What makes you think that?" I asked, knocking the horns with a small hammer to see if they were hollow. Daisy looked at me.

"You married a boy", she said, "two boys can't have babies, you know that right?" I stifled a laugh at the way she said it. Obviously I knew how babies were made. But she seemed to feel the need of explaining it to me anyway. "It has to be a boy and a girl", she said, "and when they hug really tight, a magic miniature baby flies from the boy into the girl and it grows in her belly."

"Is that so?" I said, I couldn't resist to smile a little.

"Yes", said Daisy. "I don't know why two boys can't do that though", she added thoughtfully. "I once hugged a boy really tight, but I didn't get a baby, because I'm too little."

I raised my wand at flicked it once. The small horns on Daisy's head disappeared with a small _pop. _

"There you are", I said, "good as new."

Mrs Bray came back to collect her dehorned daughter a few minutes later, accompanied by Mr Bray and a surly looking twelve year-old girl who must be the sister Megan.

"Are you OK, Daisy?" she asked and beckoned her towards her.

"Yeah", said Daisy and took her mother's hand.

"Thank you, sir", said Mrs Bray and shook my hand.

"Don't mention it", I said. Mr Bray nodded and they turned to leave.

"Good bye, Mr Healer!" said Daisy and waved. "If I ever hug a boy too tight by mistake and have a baby, I might give it to you!"

I just had time to see Mrs and Mr Bray give their youngest daughter a shocked look, then they turned around a corner and disappeared out of my view. I chuckled quietly and started gathering my things and head home. I didn't know it yet, but that little girl had just planted an idea in my head.

I thought about her on my way down the elevator. She had been so straight forward, definitely not a shy girl. And quite smart as well, I must say. Most kids who came into the hospital were either crying or cowering behind their parents. It just then occurred to me how she resembled Scorpius, what with her blond hair and great confidence. I had a sudden vision of a four year-old Scorpius, telling his little friends how babies were made by hugs. I saw his blond father come and pick him up... But when the grown man looked up his face didn't belong to Mr Malfoy, it was Scorpius. I snapped out of my fantasies and reality hit me. Scorpius would never have a blonde little son who looked exactly like him. Daisy's voice rang in my head. _Two boys can't have kids. _

I Apparated home. When I opened the door the smell of food hit my nostrils. Scorpius came to meet me in the hall as I was taking off my coat.

"Hey, sweetheart", he said and kissed me. "Hungry?"

"Very."

We ate dinner quietly. It wasn't an awkward silence, though, just comfortable. While we were eating, I was trying to come up with a good way to start the conversation I was suddenly itching to have.

"Are you tired?" I asked and waved my wand to make the plates wash themselves. Scorpius nodded.

"It's a lot right now", he muttered, "tons of paperwork. You'd think that after all these years, wizards would've come up with a better solution for that ..."

I snorted.

"Tell me about it", I said. We talked about work for a while. When we ran out of things to say about that, I took a deep breath.

"Hey, Scorpius ..."

He could tell by my tone that this was something else.

"Yes?" he said, giving me a questioning look. "What is it?"

"Have you ever thought about ... Kids?"

"As in having kids, you and I?" he asked. I nodded. Scorpius shrugged. "I don't know ... I mean, I guess, but I don't really want kids. Do you?"

I felt cold.

"You- you don't want any kids?" I said, feeling a bit baffled. "Ever?"

I hadn't really thought about it, not for real. But somehow I had assumed that one day we would have kids. It wasn't like it was impossible. It just hadn't occurred to me that Scorpius might not want them.

"No", he said. He was quiet for a while, sensing what I was thinking. "Al, do you want kids?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know", I said, suddenly feeling very dejected. "No ... I mean, yes ... Or whatever ... Yeah ... yeah I want kids."

I sighed and looked up at Scorpius. He took my hand in his.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart", he said quietly. I didn't know what to say. The more I thought about it, the more it got me down that I would never have children.

A series of images flashed before my inner eye. Me holding a little baby in my arms, teaching a little girl how to ride a bike, buying a little boy his first wand ...

"Why not?" I asked, my voice sounded shaky and I cleared my throat. Scorpius shook his head.

"I don't want to screw up an innocent kid's life", he said.

"Why would you screw up their life?" I asked, confused. Scorpius snorted.

"You've met my parents, Al."

"But you're not them."

"But how do you know that I won't turn into them?" I started to protest, but Scorpius interrupted me. "My father promised himself he wouldn't turn into his dad, but he did. I don't want to be like him. I just know that I wouldn't be a good father."

"But you would", I pleaded. "I'd help you. I wouldn't let you become your father, I promise-"

"Al, no." Scorpius hand brushed by my hair. "I don't want any kids, ever. I'm really sorry, but I don't."

"Fine", I said weakly. Of course, it wasn't fine. It was everything but fine. I didn't know what to do. I went to bed early that night, feeling more down spirited than I had felt in a very long time. When Scorpius came to lie down beside me and stroke my arm, I pretended to be asleep.

_**A/N: Well ... That's kind of tough situation, don't you think? What do think will happen next? Review? Thanks for reading anyway;)**_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

_Age, 25 _

Scorpius walked through the kitchen, still in his pyjamas and his hair a mess. He opened the fridge and drank straight from the juice box.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" I asked sharply. He blinked.

"What? Why?"

I rolled my eyes.

"We're having brunch with Teddy and Victoire, remember?"

He put the juice back in the fridge.

"Oh, shit. Was that today?"

I sighed. So typical Scorpius.

"Yes", I said, "so get your arse to the wardrobe and put some proper clothes on!"

"Yes, sir!" said Scorpius and left the kitchen quickly. I could hear him chuckling in the bedroom.

Twenty minutes later we were both dressed and ready to go. I was clutching a wrapped gift in my hand.

"What's that?" asked Scorpius nodding towards it. Then he frowned. "Wait, is it someone's birthday? Who?"

"It's a teddy bear", I said, "seriously, don't you ever listen to me? They just had a baby."

"When did you tell me this?" asked scorpius confused, "You didn't-"

"Yeah I did, last night."

"Yeah, but I was asleep last night, that might explain a few things."

"Whatever. Let's just go now, OK?"

We Disapparated, landing at the edge of the garden. Teddy and Victoire had a cute little house by the seaside, very much like Fleur and Bill's. We walked up to the door and knocked.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" asked Scorpius while we waited for someone to let us in.

"It's a boy", I said, "His name is Remus."

"Remus?" Scorpius raised an eyebrow.

"They named him after Teddy's dad", I said impatiently.

"That's the werewolf right?" Scorpius grinned. "Never thought they could have babies. Good thing he wasn't born with fangs an-"

"Hi, Teddy!" I interrupted him loudly as Teddy opened the door. He had dark shadows under hi eyes and his turquoise hair looked as if it hadn't been brushed for several days.

"Hey, guys", he said and smiled tiredly. "Come on in."

We stepped inside. A smell of toast and coffee came from the kitchen. My cousin Victoire came out in the hall to greet us.

"Hello", she smiled.

Victoire looked, surprisingly enough, not half as worn and tired as her husband. Maybe it was the veela blood she had inherited from her mother. Her blond hair sat in an elegant bun on her head, effortlessly perfect. There was no way of telling she had had a baby just two weeks ago. Victoire looked very much like her mother, except for her freckles - they were from her father. In her arms, Victoire carried a little bundle of baby pink fabric.

"Say hi to Remus." She let the blanket fall back a bit and revealed a little pink bay face. "Do you want to hold him?"

I hesitated, but Victoire held little Remus out to me.

"Go on", she said.

I wasn't sure of how to hold a baby, are there some kind of rules? But I took the bundle carefully in my arms. My first thought was that there was more blanket than baby. His tiny chubby face looked so peaceful. He blinked up at me and yawned, it was ridiculously cute. I stroke his cheek with my finger. I couldn't help worrying about breaking something. He felt so fragile.

The others had walked into the kitchen and I followed them.

"Lovely, isn't he?" sighed Victoire, putting out a jug of juice on the table.. "Totally worth those nine months of hell."

"Oh, it wasn't that bad", said Teddy. He pulled out a chair and sat down. "Dig in."

"Easy for you to say", said Victoire, sitting down as well. "You didn't have to turn into an elephant."

"At least it was a very pretty elephant", said Teddy and got himself a kiss on the cheek from his wife.

They all reached for marmalade and toast and started eating. I wasn't sure if I could hold the baby with just one hand without dropping it or something, so I just sat still.

"Here, I can take him", Teddy smiled and lifted the baby from my arms.

It was a nice brunch, very pleasant. But when we went home the weight that had been weighing down my heart these last couple of weeks crawled back.

"That was one fluffy brunch", said Scorpius and crashed down on the couch. "They're very lovey-dovey, don't you think?"

"Yeah", I sighed, "seem very happy, though."

The lightheartedness drained from Scorpius' voice. I sunk down in the armchair.

"Something bothering you, sweetheart?" he asked and looked at me with a bit of concern. I avoided his eyes. "You've seemed very down lately."

I didn't say anything, I didn't have to, Scorpius already knew.

"It's the baby-thing, isn't it?" He said with a deep sigh.

"I can't let it go", I said. I didn't know how much I wanted to have a kid until Scorpius told me he didn't want one. I didn't know what to do, and it was killing me inside. "I just can't."

"I wouldn't be a good father, I'd mess that kid up for the rest of his li-"

"I know!" I snapped and cut him off. "You already said that. But how can you know that'll happen?"

"I just don't want to take any risks." Scorpius' voice remained annoyingly calm, while mine got closer and closer to screaming.

"What are you so scared of?" I yelled, "That he'll turn out like you? There's nothing wrong with you!"

"I wouldn't force my miserable life on anybody else!" finally he raised his voice.

"But you're not miserable anymore. You're happy now, aren't you?-"

"Yes!"

"Let me finish!" I shouted. "You're happy now, so why would you make the child's life miserable?"

"You don't get it-"

"Yes, I do! This isn't about your father. You're just being a coward!"

Silence crashed down on us. Scorpius' eyes burned against me, he was breathing heavily. I gritted my teeth. I would not take it back. I would not feel guilty. I would not apologise. I had not gone too far. No matter how much I told myself this, I couldn't stop myself.

"Sorry, Scorpius I..." I faltered. Scorpius shook his head.

"Don't say you didn't mean it", he muttered, "because you did."

I stood up, without saying a word. I wouldn't deny it. I wouldn't. No. I would not say sorry again. I marched off into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. This always happened. I couldn't fight with Scorpius without feeling guilty. I was always the first one to say sorry. I hated it, but I just didn't seem to be able to stop doing it.

There was a knock on the door.

"Al", said Scorpius softly, "Sweetheart ..."

"Don't", I growled, "leave me alone!"

"Maybe you're right", Scorpius sighed after a while, "Maybe I am a coward. We Slytherins aren't exactly known for our bravery." There was a silence. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything. I fought to stay mad at him, holding on to every bit of anger I could.. Scorpius spoke again. "You can't blame me for being scared, Al. It's not a light decision. Our lives would never be the same again."

"So?" I said weakly. My anger slipped away from me, pushed away by the hollow longing I had felt for weeks.

"I'm happy like this." I heard him sitting down and resting his back against the wall. "I thought you were as well ... But I guess I was wrong." He spoke the last words so quietly I barely heard them.

I turned around with a deep sigh. Scorpius scrambled to his feet as I came out of the door. He put his arms around me.

"I love you, sweetheart", he whispered into my ear and hugged me tightly.

"Love you too", I mumbled, "you know that."

"I do ... So let's have a baby then."

We pulled apart and I stared at him.

"You don't mean that", I said hesitantly. Scorpius looked me straight in the eyes.

"Yes, I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"You just told me you didn't want a baby. Please don't do this, Scorpius."

"Do what?" He stroke my arm. "You want a baby, so let's have one. What's wrong now?"

"You don't want one. You said it'd make you miserable." I stared at the floor. Scorpius shook his head.

"No, I said I'd make _the child _miserable. But you said you wouldn't let me do that. So I changed my mind."

"Just like that?" I asked afraid to get my hopes up. I didn't dare to believe that he was being serious with what he said. Scorpius shrugged.

"Just like that."

And once again I was reminded of why I loved Scorpius so incredibly much, why I couldn't imagine life without him and my face cracked up in a huge grin.

No sooner said than done, we jumped on the baby-hunting wagon - well, that's what Scorpius called it. We contacted a wizard's adopting bureau. Now, don't get me wrong, this didn't go in the wave of a wand, it was a long, tiering process. But it didn't matter. I didn't mind waiting as much now that I knew it was going to happen.

After nearly a year we got the owl saying there was a baby available. The mother was a nineteen-year-old witch, two years out of Hogwarts. Melanie Becker was her name. A meeting was arranged and my nerves started to build up. They had been lying low from the start, but as the meeting drew closer I got more and more nervous.

"What if she doesn't like us", I said to Scorpius on the morning of the meeting. "What if she doesn't want to give us her baby?"

He ruffled my hair, so it got all messed up again and I had to comb it again.

"Always so worried", he said, "You're a sweetheart and I'm handsome, she'll love us. Don't worry." He blinked at me in the mirror.

I sat down shakily by the table at the three broomsticks. Melanie came in with the adoption manager, a tall dark haired woman. Melanie had brown hair, she was rather short and wore an apprehensive look on her pretty face - I bet she was at least as nervous as I was, probably even more. There was no doubt that she was pregnant, she kept one hand on her round belly as she sat down by the table. She smiled carefully at us. I tried to smile back, just hoping I didn't look constipated - something Scorpius so nicely had pointed out I often did when I was nervous. He on the other hand looked perfectly comfortable in the situation, but he always did. We shook hands and were introduced by the adoption manager.

"You take it from here", she said smilingly to Melanie, "Ask any questions you might have, that's why we're here."

Melanie cleared her throat awkwardly.

"Well", she said and cast a shy glance at us, "tell me about yourselves."

Tell me about yourself. It was a very hard question to answer. Where to start? What to tell? I couldn't define myself in just a few sentences, not the real me. I don't think anyone can. I guess I could give her the general idea, but what would that really tell her about me? That's where I got the idea for this. This whole thing. I got the idea to write down the story of my life, of who I am. So I did. I wrote it down for Melanie, and for Scorpius and everybody else in my life who ever wondered who I really am. I'm still not sure I can define myself, but that doesn't matter. This is more than I've ever told anyone about myself.

But back to the meeting. So we gave Melanie the general idea of ourselves. Luckily she liked us, and we liked her too.

"I love my baby, I just want it to end up in a nice home, with nice parents who'll love it more than anything", she said. "I'm not a mother, not yet. I couldn't do it - raise a child you know - it wouldn't be fair to the baby. I want it to be happy, do you know what I mean?"

And of course we did, especially Scorpius. I had no doubt whatsoever that he would be a wonderful dad, only he did.

She decided to make us the parents of her baby. We sighed the papers. And suddenly it was all done. All that was left to do was wait. And we did. On the first of august Melanie Becker gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Lorraine Potter.

This brings us to present time. I have some people I'd like to say a few things to, my family. I wrote this for you:

_My husband Scorpius - who helped me find myself, stood by my side and loved me. I love you too, darling. _

_My mother Ginny - who told me her stories and helped me find a place in this family. You're the best, mum. _

_My father Harry - who let me be who I am, whoever I am. I love you, dad. _

_My brother James - Who is always spreading his good mood and hilarious (most of the time) jokes wherever he goes. You're a great brother._

_My sister Lily - who never really understood me. Sorry if I confused you sometimes, Lils. _

_My uncle Ron - to show him that not all Malfoys are the same. This is why I love my Scorpius, uncle Ron. _

_My aunt hermione - because I know how much she likes to read. I hope you enjoyed this, aunt Hermione. _

_My parents in law Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass - who never really knew their son. Maybe this will give you a hint. _

_Melanie Becker - who gave us the most precious gift of all, the gift of life. We can never thank you enough. I hope that you never regret your decision. We love you, you're amazing and I promise you that Lorraine is in good hands. _

_And last, my daughter Lorraine - we named you Lorraine because it means strength. One day, when you're old enough, I hope you'll read this and maybe it can give you some help through hard times. If not, at least you'll get to know how your dads met. We both love you unconditionally. As I'm looking at you right now in your crib I can't yet tell what kind of girl you'll grow up to be, but no matter who you are, I'll make sure that you are happy. _

The end

_**A/N: It's the end guys! And I know this took **_**ages, **_**sorry about that ... If you're reading this I assume that you have read the whole story - so Thank You! I hope you enjoyed it:) You know where to leave your thoughts so I'm not even going to tell you;p Bye for now!^^**_


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